Page 11 of In Your Eyes
I rolled my eyes at his statement of the obvious. I knew everything there was to know about our kind.
“From the expression on your face, I take it you already know this.”
“Of course I know! Dad, I study harder than any—”
“Nobody is questioning your dedication or your knowledge, Samuel.”
I calmed down.
“Now answer my question.”
And I was back to being tense. He was my father and my Alpha, but the question felt invasive. Besides, I was ashamed of my answer.
“Isn’t that a little, um”—I fidgeted in my seat—“personal?”
“Fine.” My father sighed and dragged his hand through his hair. “Let me put it in a way you’ll understand. When you read about shifters and tying, what did you learn about male shifters after they reach adulthood?”
Talking about my studies was much easier than talking about myself. Sitting up straight, I cleared my throat. “Shifters’ souls straddle two bodies: the wolf and the human,” I recited. “Males are more connected to their wolf halves, which is why males have control over that form from childhood and begin taking their wolf forms as young cubs. But for males to retain their human forms after adulthood, they have to tie with female shifters and connect with part of their humanity. Female shifters are more connected to their human half, so they can’t shift as cubs. They take their wolf forms only after accepting ties from males.”
My father stared at me, his eyebrows raised. I felt like I was missing a question.
“Samuel, you’re having trouble shifting back into your human form,” he reminded me.
“Uh-huh.”
“Well, the simple reason for that could be that you haven’t tied yet.”
My stomach plunged. “Oh,” I whispered.
“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, but you’re twenty years old. Surely you want to have sex. Is it that you’re too shy to approach anyone? Because I’m sure your mother could help. Ask her for advice. She can tell you what to say. I know she’s tried to make suggestions many times.”
I lowered my gaze, unable to look him in the face. There had to be something wrong with me. Something worse than having trouble shifting back into my human form.
“Son?” he said, his voice strained. “Don’t you want to tie?”
The truth was, I didn’t want to, and even if I did, I was pretty sure I wouldn’t be able to do it. There was a female I’d met about a year prior, outside of our pack. I’d been traveling with my family to visit old friends of my parents. She lived nearby. Somehow we kept ending up alone together, and one night she tried to kiss me. Before her lips could connect with mine, I backed away.
But then she talked about tying and said I was handsome. I knew other shifters my age had been having sex for a few years already, so I’d forced myself to stay still, forced myself to let her touch me. Based on what I’d heard others say, I’d expected to feel pleasure, arousal, an erection. But none of those thing happened. Instead, when her hands wandered below my beltline, I felt so sick I was sure I’d throw up. So I ran.
Maybe if I explained that to my father, he’d be able to help me. “Remember that female who lived close to the Harrisons?”
It took him a moment but then he nodded. “Yes.” Suddenly his face lit up. “Yes! You two spent a lot of time together when we visited Etzgadol.” He sighed in relief and grasped my shoulder. “Thank heavens. You had me scared for a minute there. I thought you hadn’t ever tied and didn’t want to.”
I hadn’t ever tied and didn’t want to. But no way was I going to admit that after seeing my father’s reaction. I didn’t want to lie to him either, though, so instead, I stayed still and quiet, silently praying he’d move on and let it go. I got half my wish.
“Of course if tying isn’t the issue, it means something else is going on with you.” He furrowed his brow in thought. “From what you told me, the trouble with your shifting started quite some time before we took that trip and it’s never gotten better.” He looked at me expectantly.
I nodded in confirmation because his statement was true.
“And I assume you’ve tied again since? Not with her, of course, but once you start, you can’t stop, eh?” He chuckled and slapped my back, like we were old buddies.
It was nice. What was even nicer was that he didn’t seem to expect an answer.
“Let me chew on this some more, Samuel. We’ll figure it out.”
“Okay.” I got up. “Thank you.”
While he worked on figuring out whether there was something else wrong with me, I’d work on figuring out how to fix what I already knew was broken because what he said made sense. The books were clear—a male shifter needed to tie with a female shifter to hold on to his humanity. I was a male shifter. That meant no matter how much I detested having people touch me, I would be strong and find a way to tie.
