Page 27 of Ruthless Temptation
He falls silent again. I would figure that my words have no effect on him, but the way he’s gripping the steering wheel tells me otherwise. The car hums as he steps on the gas. We’re hurtling down the winding country road now.
“I don’t feel sorry for you, Tara,” he says after a while. “No woman should be forced to marry their abuser. Worse than that, I fear you do not yet understand what I meant when I said you were mine.”
I shrug my shoulders. “I called you mine too, but does that make it true?” My voice is pitched higher than I would like. This conversation has spiraled into something else entirely, and I’m struggling to keep it where I want it to be.
Erik clicks his tongue dismissively. “Unlike you, I mean what I say.”
My chest tightens. I’m not even sure we are talking about the same thing anymore.
“What are we even talking about?” I say softly.
He sighs, and he runs a hand through his hair. The same hair he seems to have put a lot of effort into fixing for our date. I want to straighten the strand that has flopped over his brow, but resist the urge. “I guess that this is my way of trying to hold on to what we have. I have been thinking about it ever since you told me, and I’m not prepared to give you up, Tara.”
That steals the air from my lungs. “No, you can’t mean that?—”
“I’ve never been surer of something,” he continues, and I wish he would just stop fucking talking already. “Now that I’ve had you, I can’t imagine a moment in time where what we have doesn’t exist.”
I look away from him with burning eyes. Something in my chest fractures. No, he can’t be saying this. Not now, not days away from summer break. I cover my ears with my hands, but it doesn’t do nearly enough to block out his voice.
And he just keeps talking. “I want to wake up to you every morning, even though you hog all the sheets and leave me cold as fuck in the middle of the night. I want you to tell me all about those dramatic romance novels you like to read, even though I think they are horrible and would never read one myself. I’ll suffer through those screaming metal bands if I must. You’re all I ever want to think about, Tara. You’re the only person I can relax around. I know it makes me a terrible person to want thesethings, even though all the odds are stacked against us. But I want them nonetheless.”
By the time Erik has finished talking, tears are streaming down my face, and I wish I could just throw myself out of the car and die. My heart lies in a million jagged pieces, stabbing my lungs every time I take a breath.
I want Erik Holmes the same way he wants me.
But that thought doesn’t make me happy, it only fills me with dread.
“Nico will kill us both,” I say, my voice warped. “He would probably kill my father too, for not pulling me out of school quicker. I don’t want anyone to suffer because of me.”
The SUV’s tires screech as Erik slams on the brakes.
“But do you want me, Tara?” he asks, almost urgently. I turn to look at him; his eyes are glassy. “If you had the choice, would you choose me?”
I don’t even have to think about it.
“Yes,” I say, lamely. “I’ve never felt like this with anyone before. I don’t think I ever will again.” I suck in a breath, using the back of my hand to wipe my leaking eyes. “It feels like we belong together, and that’s so fucked up because we shouldn’t have happened. I’m betrothed to someone else, you’re my fucking professor and you’re twice my age.”
“But it did happen, and I wouldn’t have had it any other way.” His words steal the last of my composure. We shouldn’t be talking about this. Not when he means so much to me, and there’s absolutely no chance in hell we could exist outside of these fleeting days before the summer holidays.
“We should stop talking about this,” I say, my voice quivering. “There’s no use talking about what could have been. It’s going to ruin our night.” I choke back a sob. My vision starts to swim, and I realize I haven’t stopped crying.
Erik pulls me into his lap, wrapping his arms around me so tightly it’s like he’s afraid I’ll disappear. I wail into his chest. This date was such a bad idea. He shouldn’t have tried to change things from what they were. In the darkness of that cabin on the hill, I had always felt so distant from the world, from my horrible life.
Now, he’s shone light on the gaping crack in my existence.
“You’ve grown on me,” Erik’s voice is barely above a whisper. “I’m not letting you go, Tara.”
The note of finality in his voice sends a chill down my spine. But I’m too weary to ask him what he means. I’ve thought of every possibility—there’s nothing we can do. So, I do the only thing I have control of.
I hold his face and kiss him like my life depends on it.
10
Ever since that night,each day I’ve spent with Erik has felt like mourning.
His touch still sets my skin aflame, but in the shadow of each feeling lies a bit of grief. His kisses taste like longing for something more. Even when we fuck, it’s almost always slow and sensual now. Our souls are full of sorrow.
I wish it wasn’t like this.
