Page 1 of Regancy & Savior
CHAPTER
ONE
REGANCY
Coming backto Chicago made no sense, but I had to do it. I definitely could’ve stayed in New York. I had been there since I was sixteen, looking for some type of direction, running from the very one that landed me in that situation. When I was sixteen years old, my mother sent me to live with my father because I was pregnant. What she didn’t take into account before calling me every whore in the book was that I was raped. When I did get to my father’s house in New York, he listened and supported me throughout the entire process. Though I was raped, I refused to kill my baby. Abortion wasn’t something I believed in. So on my seventeenth birthday, I gave birth to Kale Carson, my daughter. The moment she was born, it was like nothing else mattered. She was my whole world, and that was still the case now, exactly eight years later. She didn’t understand why I’d moved her to Chicago, and neither did I, but I felt like I needed to go there and face my demons. Those included my own mother. I needed to tell her what I wasn’t able to years ago and why I hadn’t taken any of her calls over the last eight years.
However, I wasn’t the same little girl I used to be. I had grown the fuck up, and I didn’t take the shit I used to back then. After I had Kale, I was forced to do away with the shy and childlike demeanor. I had to grow up.
“Mama, where are we going?” Kale asked from the back seat.
“To see somebody.”
“Who?”
“Nobody, nosy.” I smiled and looked in the rearview mirror at her. Thank God she was the spitting image of me and looked nothing like her donor. I didn’t know if I would’ve been able to take it.
She laughed. “Can you just make sure I eat, Mama?”
I giggled. “Yeah. When don’t I make sure you eat?” I paid attention to the block that I was pulling onto. It was so familiar, but that wasn’t my home. The only reason I was there was because my father made me promise him when I went back there that I’d come. I could’ve lived in Chicago for years and not said a word to my mother or my little brother. I no longer held a grudge against anybody. I put it behind me. When I pulled up in front of the house, I glanced up on the porch, and there she sat. Old age hadn’t done anything to her. She didn’t look a day over thirty, but she was that. I didn’t bother pulling into her driveway. Instead, I parked on the street and sat there. Then I glanced in the back at my daughter, who was too busy looking at her Nintendo Switch.
“I’ll be right back, Kale.” I opened the car door and hopped out. I needed to face her so I could go deal with what I needed. My father had indeed called me, cursing my ass out that morning because she called him. That was what she’d done over the years though—called him, begging him to talk to me, to get me to at least talk to her.
The hardest walk I ever took was toward her while she sat there paying attention to what I assumed was her crosswordpuzzles. The closer I got, the more I wanted to turn around and leave. I hadn’t faced my mother in almost a decade, and that was where I stood.
“Regancy, is that you?” My mother’s voice filled my ears.
I finally looked up at her from my shoes, and the expression on her face was one filled with nothing but emotion. Before I could speak, she grabbed me and pulled me into a hug. I didn’t know what came over me, but I hugged her back, and I felt the tears coming down my face.Is this what closure felt like?
When she pulled back, she looked at me with nothing but sorrow in her eyes. “I’m sorry, Regancy. I’m sorry that I wasn’t there for you, that I didn’t listen to you.”
I hoped she didn’t expect me to tell her it was fine or reassure her, because I wouldn’t. It wasn’t in me to.
“Is she with you?” I could tell she was referring to Kale.
“Yeah. She’s in the car.”
She glanced down at the ground before back at me. “Can I meet her?”
I looked at her, and I nodded. As much as I wanted to say no and stay mad at her, I couldn’t. That didn’t mean our relationship would be perfect, but I guess we could build on it. I guess we could try to mend it. Turning around, I looked toward my car, knowing my nosy ass daughter had climbed into the driver’s seat and was now looking at me. I motioned for her to come over before looking back at my mother.
“Can you find it in your heart to try to forgive me?” she asked.
“Only time will tell, Mama, but I’m open to mending our relationship.”
She nodded quickly before pulling me into a hug again and kissing my forehead.
“Yes, Ma.” Kale looked at me, then at my mother.
She glanced at her, and I could see the tears in her eyes. She saw that she had missed out on eight years of her life. That had to fuck with her.
“Kale, this is my mother, your grandmother.”
She looked from me to her with theare you seriouslook before walking into her open arms. I really didn’t plan that dramatic ass reunion, but there we were. We were there, and I felt raw. I felt like there was something there. I guess my fatherdidknow best. He forced me to go there.
Finally, she looked up from Kale to me. “Where are you staying? You can?—”
“I have a condo downtown,” I blurted. I couldn’t fathom staying here.
