Page 49 of My Captive's Heart
I should be over the moon.
Yet I’ve been walking around like a ghost.
Why can’t I stop thinking about the man who lied and deceived me?
The entire week, I avoided going to Matt’s place, insisting on sleeping at mine. I don’t possess the strength to look at Alexander. The look on his face when I said yes to Matt haunts me still.
It was the look of a man who had his whole world eviscerated.
I’m to blame.
Did I make a mistake? Aren’t women taught to choose a man who’s a green flag? Isn’t that the appropriate and sane choice? Matt is that man.
So why does my heart race faster and my entire body go aflame for Alexander, who’s nothing but a red flag? Why does it feel like I’ve been missing a limb ever since I came back? Like I’m trapped in this house rather than the dungeon where he keptme as his captive? Why is the right choice seeming like the most terrible choice?
I do love Matt. He makes me happy. I thought that once I came back to him, the confusing feelings his father ignited would wane and clarity would follow.
Instead, I’ve been slowly dying inside.
“Hey, fiancée.”
I startle as Matt lands on the bed beside me. Leaning down, he gives me a soft peck. I mutter, “Hey.”
Nervousness has joined the inner turmoil I’ve been dealing with for the past two weeks. I decided to sleep at Matt’s place to avoid raising suspicion. I’m torn and drenched in guilt every time I talk with Matt and don’t tell him the truth.
Are lies and betrayal the foundation I want for our marriage?
Do I even want a marriage?
Or perhaps he’s the wrong man.
Matt skates his lips down the slope of my neck instead of backing away. His hands join in, running along my shoulders and slipping under the straps of my nightie. Pulling them down, he licks along my collarbone before trailing lower to my breasts.
It feels all sorts of wrong. Like… cheating. It’s absurd because I never once felt this icky feeling when Alexander roamed his hands and kissed me all over.
Shouldn’t it be vice versa?
Matt and I haven’t been intimate since my return from the ‘nature retreat’. I made excuses of being tired and not being in the mood, which isn’t like me.
I don’t even moan when he bares my nipple and sucks it into his mouth. I shift restlessly, wanting his hands off and him across the room.
Clueless as ever, he mistakes my movement for arousal and reaches for the hem of my nightdress. He glides it up my thighs. A second before he can touch my pussy, I grip his wrists. “Matt.”
“What?” he huskily asks, moving to my other breast.
“Not tonight.”
“Come on, baby,” he coaxes. “It’s been weeks since we fucked. I wanna make love to my soon-to-be wife.”
Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.
I push him away, fixing my nightie. “I had a long day. I’m not feeling so well either. Another night, okay?”
He sighs, getting off me and flipping onto his back. “Are you punishing me for not being enthusiastic about your fantasy?”
My stomach knots. “Of course not.”
“I was on my way when I ran into Dad on Halloween. He told me you had to leave right away if you wanted to catch up with the group for the retreat.” Glancing at me, he says apologetically, “I know you haven’t been satisfied with our sex life lately. So, I’m willing to try to be more of what you need. We can still role-play captor and captive. It turned me on like crazy.”
