Page 96 of No Greater Love
That's when it hit me. All of it, at once. The fear, the helplessness, the crushing weight of everything I stood to lose. The sob that came out of me was ugly and raw, and suddenly I was collapsing into Tasha's arms, years of carefully maintained control finally cracking apart.
"She used to make this noise when she was pretending to sleep," I said through the tears, the words tumbling out in a rush. "Like cartoon characters, you know? 'Zzzzznk-pspspspsps.' And I always knew she was faking, but I never told her because she was so proud of fooling me."
Tasha held me tighter, her hand stroking my hair.
"And in nursing school, I carried this pink and purple diaper bag with glitter hearts on it. Got it at a thrift store because it was the best one I could afford. People would stare at me on campus, and I never understood why until someone finally pointed out what it looked like. But I didn't care. It held everything she needed."
The memories kept coming, a flood of moments I'd treasured and feared I might lose.
"One time she was on my shoulders, maybe four years old, and she started crying. Really sobbing. I was panicking, trying to figure out what was wrong, and she kept saying 'my feet are wrinkled.' Took me forever to realize she meant pins and needles." I laughed through the tears. "She didn't know the word for it, so she called it wrinkled feet."
"Nate—"
"She's everything, Tasha. Everything good about my life, it all comes back to her. The reason I got sober, the reason I went to nursing school, the reason I get up every morning and try to be better than I was the day before." The words were coming out broken, desperate. "What if I'm not enough? What if the judge looks at Sarah with her money and her house and her stability and decides Paige would be better off there?"
"Stop." Tasha's voice was firm but gentle. She pulled back to look at me, her hands framing my face. "You are enough. You have always been enough. You're the best father I've ever seen."
"But what if?—"
"No." She cut me off. "What if nothing. You love that little girl more than anything in this world, and it shows in everything you do. Every bedtime song, every carefully packed lunch, every science project you've helped with, every tear you've dried. That's what makes a parent, Nate. Not money or houses or lawyers."
I wanted to believe her.God, I wanted to believe her.
"I'm so scared," I admitted.
"I know. I'm scared too." Her voice was thick with unshed tears. "But I need you here with me, okay? Present. Fighting. Whatever happens in that courtroom, we'll face it together. All three of us. You can’t do anything stupid. Okay? Please,pleasetell me you won't."
I recoiled, shaking my head furiously. "No! No, Tasha. I wouldn't do that. I couldn't... not with you here. I couldn't do this without you," I said, and meant it with every fiber of my being. "I love you, Tasha."
"I love you too," she whispered. "And we're going to get through this."
But as she held me in the dim hallway outside Paige's room, both of us could feel the weight of what was coming. In five days, everything we'd built together could be gone.
The only thing we could do was fight like hell to keep it.
thirty-five
tasha
Sleep was impossible.Every time I closed my eyes, I saw Sarah's calculated smile and pictured Paige being led away by strangers. The digital clock on Nate's nightstand mocked me—10:47 PM, 11:03 PM, 11:15 PM.
Beside me, Nate's breathing was steady but not deep. He wasn't sleeping either, just lying there in the dark, probably running through legal arguments he'd never had to make, strategies he didn't know how to execute.
I slipped out of bed as quietly as I could, padding to the kitchen for water. The house felt different in the dark—heavier somehow, like it was holding its breath along with us. This could be the last night we spent here as a family.
The thought made my knees buckle, and I found myself gripping the kitchen counter to stay upright. We were going to lose. Nate was walking into that courtroom with nothing but his love for Paige and some hastily researched legal precedents. Sarah had money, lawyers, a plan that had been months in the making.
It wasn't fair. It wasn't right. And it was going to happen anyway.
I needed air. Needed space to fall apart where Nate couldn't see me doing it. He was barely holding himself together as it was.
The back deck was cool and quiet, the summer night air carrying the scent of Mrs. Swanson's roses from next door. Normal suburban life, continuing as if our world wasn't about to implode.
I pulled out my phone, scrolling to Sophia's contact. It was late… too late to be calling anyone. But I couldn't just sit here and do nothing while everything we'd built crumbled around us.
She answered on the fourth ring, her voice alert despite the hour.
"Tasha? What's wrong?"
