Page 83 of No Greater Love
She looked directly at me then. "Leaving was the hardest thing I've ever done. But staying would have been selfish."
"And coming back now isn't?" Tasha asked.
"Maybe it is," Sarah admitted, and the honesty of it caught me off guard. "But I've done the work. Three years of therapy. Getting my degree. Building a career. I needed to become someone worthy of being in Paige's life."
"She needed you when she was three months old," I said quietly. "Not eleven years later."
"I know." Her voice cracked slightly. "God, Nate, I know. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about what I missed. First words, first steps, first day of school. But I can't change the past. All I can do is try to be better going forward."
She reached into her purse and pulled out a small photo album. "My therapist suggested this. Said it might help you understand."
I didn't want to look, but my hands were already reaching for it. The first page showed Sarah in the cap and gown of a college graduation. The next, her at what looked like a marketing conference, giving a presentation. A house with a sold sign. Professional headshots. Certificates of completion from various therapy programs.
"It's like a resume," Tasha said, her tone neutral but her meaning clear.
Sarah flushed slightly. "I know how it looks. But I wanted you to see that I'm stable. That I can provide for Paige."
"Paige doesn't need providing for," I said, closing the album. "She has everything she needs."
"Materially, yes. But what about emotionally? Doesn't she deserve to know her mother?"
"She deserves stability," Tasha said. "She deserves to not have her life disrupted by someone who?—"
"I'm not trying to disrupt anything," Sarah interrupted, and for the first time, she sounded genuinely distressed. "That's the last thing I want. My therapist says forced relationships never work. I don't want to traumatize Paige. I just... I want a chance to know her. To let her know me. And if it's not working, if she's uncomfortable or unhappy, I'll step back."
The words were exactly what someone in my position would want to hear. Too exact.
"What does 'step back' mean to you?" Tasha asked.
Sarah blinked. "I'm sorry?"
"You say you'll step back if it's not working. What does that look like? Do you disappear for another eleven years? Do you maintain some kind of distant contact? What?"
"I..." Sarah faltered for the first time. "I haven't thought that far ahead."
"Maybe you should," Tasha suggested. "Because Paige isn't an experiment. You can't just try on motherhood and return it if it doesn't fit."
Sarah's composure cracked, just for a moment. Something sharp flashed in her eyes—anger, maybe, or calculation. Then it was gone, replaced by understanding.
"You're right," she said softly. "I need to think about all possibilities." She turned to me. "Nate, I know I have no right to ask for your trust. But I'm asking anyway. Let me prove that I've changed. Let me show you that I can be good for Paige."
"How?" The word came out rougher than I intended.
"Start small. Maybe... coffee? Somewhere public, with you there. Just an hour. Let her get to know me slowly, at her pace. No pressure, no expectations."
It sounded so reasonable. So carefully considered. Everything designed to make saying no seem cruel.
"I need to think about it," I said.
"Of course." Sarah stood, leaving the photo album on the table. "Take all the time you need. I'm not going anywhere."
She paused at our table, looking down at us. "I know you don't believe me, but I'm grateful to you, Nate. For raising her. For being the parent I couldn't be. And Tasha..." She smiled, something sad in it. "She's lucky to have someone who'll fight for her. Even against her own mother."
Then she was gone, leaving us in the coffee shop with her carefully curated evidence of transformation.
"That was..." Tasha started, then stopped.
"Yeah."
