Page 42 of No Greater Love
I nodded, shifting closer to him, our sides touching. An anchor to the present as he revisited the past.
And then he told me. Everything. The clearing operation in Fallujah. The insurgents using a family as human shields. Thompson firing at movement. The little girl in the pink shirt. His desperate attempts to save her. The parents' anguish. The Arabic words he’d hastily memorized from a military phrasebook. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."
By the time he finished, tears were flowing freely down his face, and his body shook with the force of emotions long suppressed. I didn't hesitate now—I pulled him against me, his head on my shoulder, his tears warm against my skin.
"I couldn't save her," he whispered. "I was supposed to save people. That was my job. But I couldn't save her."
"You tried," I said, threading my fingers through his hair. "Nate, you tried everything possible."
"It wasn't enough."
The words hung between us, and suddenly I understood so much more about him. His obsessive preparation for every aspect of Paige's life. His rigid control. His reluctance to let anyone else in.
"Is that why you push yourself so hard with Paige?" I asked gently. "Because you couldn't save that little girl?"
He stiffened slightly, then relaxed with a shuddering exhale. "Maybe. Probably. I don't know." His voice was muffled against my shoulder. "I just know I can't fail her. I can't... I can't let anything happen to her."
"You haven't," I assured him. "You haven't failed her. She's amazing, Nate. She's smart and kind and resilient. That's because of you."
He pulled back slightly, eyes searching mine with a vulnerability that made my heart twist. "You think so?"
"I know so. And I'm a pretty good judge of character."
A ghost of a smile touched his lips. "Since when?"
"Hey," I nudged him gently, relieved at the tiny spark of humor. "I chose you, didn't I?"
His smile faded, replaced by something more serious, more intense. "Why did you? Choose me, I mean."
The question caught me off guard. Why had I? I'd spent so long keeping everyone at arm's length, protecting myself with sarcasm and attitude. But somehow, this serious, damaged, beautiful man had gotten under my defenses.
"Because you see me," I said finally. "The real me. Not the façade. And because..." I hesitated, then decided he'd been brave enough tonight to deserve my honesty. "Because I see you too. All of you. The nightmares and the spreadsheets and the fierce way you love your daughter. And I think all of it is... worth choosing."
His eyes widened slightly, something like wonder crossing his face. For a moment, I thought he might cry again. Instead, he leaned forward and kissed me—softly, reverently, like I was something precious.
When we broke apart, I could see exhaustion etched in the lines of his face. "You should try to sleep," I said.
Fear flickered in his eyes. "The dreams might come back."
"I'll be right here," I promised. "I'm not going anywhere."
I guided him back down to the pillows, pulling the sheet over us both. He curled toward me, his head resting against my chest, arm draped across my waist. I stroked his hair, humming softly, some half-remembered lullaby my grandmother used to sing.
As his breathing finally evened out into sleep, I stared up at the ceiling, my mind racing. This wasn't what I'd signed up for. This was complicated, messy, far beyond the casual relationship I'd convinced myself I wanted.
But as I felt Nate's steady heartbeat against my side, I realized with startling clarity that I didn't want casual. Not with him. I wanted this—all of it. The nightmares and the healing. The pain and the joy.
I wanted to be the person he could fall apart with.
And somehow, that was the most terrifying and beautiful realization I'd ever had.
fifteen
tasha
"You're bringinga man to the reunion? And his child?" My mother's voice over the phone held the same tone she used when I announced I was going to nursing school instead of pre-med. Equal parts surprise, suspicion, and grudging curiosity.
"It's not a big deal, Mom." I stirred the pasta sauce on Nate's stove, phone wedged between my shoulder and ear. "We've been seeing each other for awhile. Figured it was time."
