Page 50 of Wicked Salvation
“I know you didn’t do it,” I say. “Marita got your journal when they were emptying your room. The pages she told me about, the plans you had—evenafteryou’d been found out? It just doesn’t add up.” A beat of silence. “I’m going to get to the bottom of it, I promise. The deeper I dig through this place, the more I’m sure that I’ll find out what actually happened.”
I really wish the dead could talk.
The guilt sits beside me like an old friend.
“I don’t really know what the afterlife is like. We talked about it before—how energy can never be destroyed, only transformed. But I promise that whatever it’s like I’ll find you again. Even if it means we’re gonna be two scrungly stray cats in the London alleyways together.”
I knew she’d laugh, so I allow myself a smile.
Vivienne and I were always meant to be friends.
We always will be.
And that’s when Edie pops into my head again, but this time I let the thoughts run their course. The longer I keep them bottled up, the more they’re likely to blow at the wrong time. Now more than ever, I need to keep my head clear.
So I let myself think about her.
The first night I saw her sneaking back into her dorm room—the prim, proper, piteous princess who hated me at first sight.
The innocent, meek girl who didn’t understand how dangerous this place actually is.
My Literature partner.
The girl I saved from the brink of death.
That bastard’s fiancée.
And just like every other time I think of her, I wonder if I was too harsh.
Should I have scared her away the way I did?
My personal morals wouldn’t allow me to date her,knowingshe’s set to marry that asshole, but should I still have kept her close? Or should I have told her that marrying me would have solved all the problems she thinks marrying Silas will solve?
No.
I don’t want Eden to choose me to solve her problems.
That’s never a good basis for marriage. Plus, she’seighteen. There’s no reason for marriage to be a top priority for her now, no matter what bullshit her parents are trying to force on her.
“Edie’s marrying Silas,” I blurt out. “He proposed to her and she said yes.”
Saying out loud lifts the weight, a little bit.
“But she didn’t even tell me until after we had sex…” I rub the back of my head. “Well, sort of had sex. The important part is that she had her first orgasm with me.”
As betrayed as I feel, memories of that night still spark something to life in me.
If it weren’t for my morals—Eden would be in my bed every night, and Silas would be flayed, hanging from one of the eaves in the courtyard.
“I want to help herso badly, Vivienne.” Now that I’ve unstoppered the emotions, I can’t get a grip on them. “The more I try to pull her away from him, the deeper she goes.” A sigh racks my shoulders. “That’s why I’m turning this place upside down…I want her to see that she doesn’t need to be shackled by this institution, that she doesn’t need to shut up and sit down. That she doesn’t have to take Silas’ abuse.”
My knuckles crackle, and I look down to find my hand in such a tight fist that my fingernails are drawing blood—even though they’re short.
“I’m a little angry at her too. I know it isn’t her fault but…” I plop down on the damn grass, the cold seeping through my sweater and into my bones. “I think she needs to find herself. Ican’t do that for her.” Then I add with a chuckle, “And for a good little catholic girl she’s quite stubborn.”
I hear Vivienne’s melodic laugh in my head. “I don’t even know how to tell her that there’s areasonwhy the women who marry into the Peregrine-Ashford family always die young.” Above me, the sky is dark and murky, like a muddled stream at dusk. “Abusive men always end up with dead wives.”
It’s almost as if I can hear Vivienne’s voice in my head. I could be hallucinating—I’ve been surviving off energy drinks, weed and crisps for days now.
