Page 4 of Dance in the Light
The aging of the barns and house in desperate need of a coat of paint was a shock, given Dad used to prefer bright white paint on all the surfaces. A hole in the garage roof glared at me.
The beautiful flowers Mom had planted along the edge of the house and porch that my sisters and I had faithfully tended to every year after she’d passed had died, sitting brown as could be. Despair had somehow tainted the image of the beautiful farm I grew up on.
Ryan pulled up to the front of the house where the porch leaned, old and in need of repair, before it collapsed. “I’ll get your things out of the back.”
“Dada,” Rose called out when he shut the truck door behind him.
“He’ll be back, sweetie.” My attempt to console her didn’t work.
With one look at me—a perfect stranger—her mouth down turned, her chin wobbled, and huge tears formed in her eyes. Then came the cries.
“Dada!”
I overstayed my welcome. Ryan opened my door, aiding my quick exit. “I’ll see you around,Cynthia.”
“Yeah. Thanks.” As I stepped out of the truck, I landed a foot in front of him and made the mistake of peering up into his face. His hand leaned against the passenger door as he towered over me, all rugged six feet of him, and our eyes met. As if the world ended, stopped turning and tilted off its axis, everything around me stilled.
The breeze no longer grazed through the hay in the fields. The clouds parted and shone full sunlight on his eyes of sparkling sapphires. His musky scent obliterated the usual smells of farm life. And if I’d taken my last breath, I hardly noticed and didn’t fight against the dying of my existence.
It was him. Always him. And me. But a vow I made to Mom kept us apart.
My sister Megan saved me, shooting out of the house with her little boy Gus.
“Cindy? We thought you weren’t coming?”
“Rose! Mommy, can Rose stay and play?” My ginger-haired nephew asked. He and I were the blessed ones in the family, cursed with red and freckles.
“No, just say a quick hello is all,” Megan cried out. She embraced me for a sideways hug, her round belly tilting to the side, and my hands fell on her fleshy back. “We just assumed you’d be working like usual.”
“Yeah, I could get the time off after all.” Without pay. Because I found myself suddenly jobless. But my sisters didn’t need to know, with enough to worry about right now with Dad’s passing.
“No matter, come on in. We’re all here talking about things. Hi Ryan. Come back in, Gus.”
They disappeared into the house, and I turned back to Ryan. The sight of him standing there holding his baby girl tore up my insides.
She clung around his thick neck with her head on his shoulders like she knew he was the one man in the world who would always see her. While he swayed, his hand smoothed down the back of her tiny pink blouse featuring turquoise unicorns.
The protective vibe of a single dad over his daughter read loud and clear. As if a battle ensued in my ovaries thanks to a muscular man with a little pink bundle in his arms, the proverbial clock started ticking.
A breath caught in my throat. The yearning for children hadn’t hit me yet—until now. My ex and I were workaholics, and he’d made it clear children weren’t an option. Accepting it when I was young and eager to please him made sense. But now, seeing Ryan like this?Shit.
“So, um, thanks again, uh, for everything,” I stumbled through my words. “I’m only in town a few days. Honestly, I didn’t expect to see you. But I guess I’m glad I did. Good to know things worked out for you here, what with your business, and daughter, and things.”
“Yeah, okay.” His curt answer flew back at me as if he slapped me across the face with it. He leaned in the cab to put Rose back in her seat.
So much for closure, but why did I care when, from the moment he came back into my life today, he’d shown no intention of being friendly again?
I gave up on him. Had I really hurt him that badly when I left town years ago? If memory served, he hugged me the day I left and wished me well. Was that a lie?
As he pulled away, the truck I once adored drove down the lane, kicking up clouds of dust behind it. Once the dust settled, so did any foolish notions about Ryan and anything tethered to the past.
Whatever. I lugged my bags up the stairs and into the house.
My life was in New York City. Even though things were in shambles right now, jobless, homeless, and boyfriend-less, I’d get back there later this week and sort things out. Maybe not the boyfriend part. No, that would take some time getting over.
The job part would be okay. I was a respected female architect in the field and offers came my way often through the years that I had turned down.
The homelessness, while temporary, would get sorted. I had already set up an appointment for Friday with an agent to see several move-in ready apartments. One of those would do.
