Page 21 of Dance in the Light
First, there was the damn note.
Ryan,
Trudy came to get Rose. We had words. She’s more hurt than either of us realizes.
It’s all my fault, and I don’t know if I have the strength in me to deal with this.
It’s for the best that I leave and go back to New York now before we get in too deep.
You and Trudy have Rose to care for. It’s difficult enough to be a parent, I’m sure, without me adding to it and complicating things.
My only regret is our prom night, because I should have told you then how much I love you.
If leaving makes me a coward, then I’m sorry. You waited for me all these years, and I only wish I had your strength to stay and fight for us.
Yours always,
Cindy
All I cared about in that jumbled bunch of nonsense were the wordshow much I love you.
Love was all that mattered. The rest would work out somehow.
After reading the note, I stupidly stopped at Trudy’s place. I pounded on the door. She answered, holding Rose on her hip.
“What do you want, Ryan? I’m trying to get Rose to sleep.”
“Dada.” Rose pointed and held hands out for me.
I took her, but Trudy wouldn’t let her go at first. Like a tug-of-war with our child, she was the one acting immature. My nostrils flared and I would have unleashed a load of swearing at her if my daughter wasn’t between us.
She finally let her go.
“Hi my little rosebud. Dada’s here. Are you okay, huh? Feeling better?”
“Aw Dada,” she said, patting my back, then pointed at Bessie. “Dee Dee bye bye.”
My eyes cut sharply at Trudy. “What did you say to Cindy?”
“What did she say I said?” Her arms crossed, becoming obstinate.
I growled. “Don’t play like this with me. I’ve always been good to you and Rose, and I?—”
“You mean that even though you could never give me your heart fully, you were ‘loyal,’” her tone spilled over into sarcasm, while she used her fingers to air quote the last word.
“That’s right. I was. And you know what? Some relationships don’t even have that.”
“So count my lucky stars? I deserve better, Ryan, like a man who fully loves meandis loyal.” Her tears started, and yeah, I felt like complete shit where she was concerned.
This was the mother of my child. As much as I didn’t want to be with her anymore, I also hated hurting her to get the woman I truly loved.
“You deserve that, Trudy. I really hope you find him someday.”
She brushed a tear away from her cheek. “Why Cindy? Huh? Why couldn’t you have given me your love instead of her?”
“I don’t know, but I didn’t mean to hurt you. Cindy and I go way back, you know that, and she’s always been the one.”
“Aw Dada,” Rose said, then pointed at Bessie again, but her chin wobbled. “Dee Dee bye bye.”
