Page 19 of Dance in the Light
“Hey. Sounds like a busy afternoon ahead.” He turned at the sound of my voice, the dark shadows under his eyes catching me by surprise.
Poor guy, my heart cried for him. Since returning to Glendale Falls, I’d seen him do so much for everyone around here. Too much, at times. But that was Ryan, always the big fish in the little pond.
The quarterback king who led the team to their last record and season of glory. The Mister Fix-It, who everyone called for everything. That’s the kind of man he was, never complaining.
“It’s been crazy all day, starting with this one running a fever since two this morning. Day care won’t take kids in this condition until the fever breaks. Trudy’s out of town for a few days. I can’t seem to get ahold of anyone to watch her.”
“You could have asked me,” I offered. Rose and I had spent more time together, never alone, always with Ryan, but we seemed to get along. “I’ll watch her.”
“Really? You’re a lifesaver, Cynthia. I owe you later, lots of sex, I promise.” He kissed my forehead. “Let me lock up and I’ll take you two upstairs.”
With comfortable living quarters above Red’s Auto Repair, it was cozy enough for a single guy and his daughter, on nights and weekends, when it was his turn to care for her.
I never got in the way of whatever arrangement he had with Trudy. Both of them only wanted things to be amicable for Rose’s sake. She had made no attempt to reach out to me, although if things continued between me and Ryan, somehow, I’d have to face her.
Affairs of the heart were never easy. She and Ryan had a baby together, but I didn’t intend to swoop back in town and steal her man, as she reportedly had told some people in town. Ryan assured me I needn’t feel guilty about anything.
Like a mirror to my past, though, I understood how Trudy’s feelings got hurt by my return. James’ wife had taken the news about me poorly when our affair came to light. Every day, I had to live with that, even though I never set out to be a home-wrecker.
James certainly deserved equal blame for being the cheating asshole he was; I wasn’t the first young woman he’d mentored and groomed into a relationship with him, I’d later found out.
The only thing saving me from a walk with guilt where Trudy was concerned was knowing Ryan’s heart belonged to me in the first place.
FOURTEEN
WALK WITH GUILT
CINDY
I followed Ryan upstairs to his living space. Rose's books, dolls, and toys were scattered everywhere. Remains of food and sippy cups were on the kitchen counter. And his dining room he’d turned into his bedroom with a queen bed and nightstand, leaving the bedroom for Rose.
He laid her down in her crib, and quietly backed out of her room, successful at closing the bedroom door. After a sigh of relief, he brought me into his arms.
“Now, for a proper greeting.” His full lips claimed mine, the way he’d been kissing me since our first night together on the hill at the farm. Every single one taking my breath away like a million first kisses.
“You sure you’ll be okay? I’ll probably be gone for a few hours. I just gave her some medicine a little while ago, so chances are she might sleep the entire time. But if she wakes up, give her a little juice in a sip cup and maybe if she’s hungry, try some Mac and cheese. You sure you’ll be okay?” He repeated the question.
“Yes, go, go. I’ll manage. I helped raise Gabby and Daphne after all, and they’re still alive, so I can do this.” After a few more kisses, I waved at him through the window as he left.
The first thing I tackled were the dishes and things on the counter. Although most of our time together we spent at my house, from the few occasions we’d been here, I could tell Ryan wasn’t a neat freak.
As a busy father, the demands on his time were often too much. And here came those guilt pangs again, because time with me was time he could spend doing something else.
Rose crying out stopped me. “Dada!”
I fumbled for the towel and dried off my hands. “Rose, I’m here.”
“Dee Dee,” she cried, using the name she called me, and reached her arms for me as soon as she saw me. I lifted her body out of the crib and she formed to me, clinging, laying her head on my shoulder.
If this wasn’t the closest thing I’d come to the feeling of motherhood . . . I kissed her precious head.
With the back of my hand, I felt her forehead, and while not the best judge of exact temperature, I could tell she was clammy as if the fever was breaking up. “Aw sweet baby. Are you thirsty?”
Ryan was right. For the next hour, she never once left my arms. Her baby powder smell and the scent of strawberry bubble bath from her hair reminded me of my little sisters. That ticking clock struck a nerve deep in my belly.
James had already had a family, and being older than I was, the last thing he wanted was another baby. Along with convincing me he’d leave his wife, he told me that to rise in my career,I’d need to lay aside any plans for children. I believed him. The fucker.
Now, it seemed, a family was something I longed for after all.
