Page 106 of Someone to Hold
“He cares about my late husband. He feelssorryfor me.” At least that’s the explanation I went with after all my doubts and fears came rushing back like they’d never left in the first place.
Avah snorts. “The fuck he does. I’d bet my last nickel that man is head over heels for you. I don’t know why you can’t see it when it’s clear as a newly washed window to the rest of us.”
“You don’t understand.”
“Sweetie,you’rethe one who doesn’t understand.” Sloane takes my hand. “You’ve been chewed up and spit out by so many people who were supposed to care about you, you don’t know how to let yourself be loved. Don’t you see? You haven’t truly been loved before now, at least not in the way you deserve. Not in the way that makes you feel special and cherished.”
“Chase makes me feel like that,” I say around the tears clogging my throat.
Avah smacks her palm against her forehead. “And there’s no doubt you make him feel the same. Because that’s your superpower, Mol.”
“One of many,” Sloane adds.
I let out the breath I didn’t realize I was holding. Was I too harsh with Chase? So desperate to protect myself and prove that I’m worthy of the life I want, I didn’t see how hard he was trying. Not just for me, but with me.
“I think I ruined everything,” I whisper. The truth sits heavy in my chest. “But you’re right. I don’t want to walk away. I want to stay and fight for a future here. For me and the kids…and with Chase.”
Sloane holds up a hand, palm facing toward me, for a high five. “Hells to the yeah.”
Avah nudges our sweet, cancer-warrior friend. “Sloane, I love you but don’t ever use that phrase again.”
“Is yay acceptable?” Sloane asks with an amused eye roll. I swear she looks stronger every time I see her.
“Yay,” Avah drawls. “That works.”
“Yay,” Sloane echoes and comes around the table to hug me.
For the first time in a long time, it doesn’t feel like I’m balancing on a steep rock face that could crumble beneath my feet at any moment. It feels like I might actually be standing at the beginning of something amazing.
33
CHASE
The doorto my mother’s room is open, and I hear my sister’s voice as I approach.
I knock softly, then walk in, unsure of the welcome I’ll receive. I haven’t been to visit my mother since the morning I scared her so badly. While I know that wasn’t her, just like Molly told me, the memory of her shrinking back from me still slices deep.
Understanding it’s the disease doesn’t stop the mountain of guilt crushing my shoulders. Guilt for being too much of a coward to return and face her. Guilt because I look like my dad. Most of all, guilt that I’m similar enough to a man who hurt us both that she’d mistake me for him.
“Chase is here,” Ada says brightly. “Your sweet son brought you flowers.”
“And chocolate.” I hold up the bar.
Mom offers me a rare wide smile. “Daffodils are my favorite.”
They aren’t as pretty as Molly’s, but those feel as far out of reach as she does. “I’ll put the vase on your dresser so you can see it from both the bed and your chair.”
My sister raises a brow. “You know her favorite flower?”
“It’s not a big deal.” Shit, amI blushing?
Ada inclines her head to study me. “Are you sure you’re my brother?”
“You’re so funny I forgot to laugh,” I answer, rolling my eyes.
I place the flowers on the dresser and approach the bed, hesitating a second longer than I mean. Last time I stood here, Mom begged me not to hurt her.
Ada watches me carefully. “What are you doing here?”
