Page 15 of If You Were Mine
Lucky yawned, showing all of his teeth, before he padded to the front door.
With a sigh, I stuffed my feet into my running shoes and tossed my hair up into a bun. I caught a glimpse of my face in the mirror and held back a wince.
I dyed it dark a few months before on a whim and didn’t quite regret it, but I still wasn’t sure what I thought of it. I missed my red hair, just like I missed being blonde, or having pink hair that one time. But going at my hair with boxed dye during a night where I hadn’t been able to breathe out of loneliness and fear, hadn’t been the greatest decision. At least I hadn’t been drinking at the time. It had been close, but no. Thankfully my hairdresser had saved the day and made sure that I hadn’t completely destroyed my hair. But I was stuck with this color for a while. Because if I went and tried to bleach it, it would probably fall out.
Of course, the dark hair just made my face look paler than usual, and I couldn’t help but notice the dark circles under my eyes.
“It’ll get better. They say it gets better.”
If I kept telling myself that, maybe I would believe it. Not yet, but maybe one day.
Lucky barked, something he really did well inside, and I cringed. “I’m sorry, baby boy. Let me get your things. And we’ll go on your W-A-L-K.”
His entire body wiggled, starting from his tail all the way to his nose, and I couldn’t help but laugh. I loved my baby boy. Yes, we were both getting older, and the white around his face was growing over time. But we were okay. We had to be. After all, it was just the two of us.
I swallowed hard, ignoring the familiar sharp stab of pain that came whenever I thought about that. It didn’t help anybody if I dwelled on what I didn’t have. I could barely dwell on what I did have.
I hooked Lucky into his harness, and we headed down the stairs to the small walking path.
I wasn’t opening today, and for that, I could only thank the gods. I needed some time to just breathe. To get ready for the day.
My team could handle the bakery, and then I would work on the baked goods in the back. I had a whole list of cakes and cookies that I needed to make, and others that I wanted to. The others could deal with customers and put on the smiling faces they didn’t have to lie about. And hopefully nobody would notice I spent less and less time up front.
And if the others never noticed that I’d stopped going out on dates or letting them set me up, the better. I hadn’t meant to be a twenty-something virgin, but the idea of dating or dealing with people made my entire body stiffen.
I was just fine as I was, thank you very much.
Again, the lies seemed to be coming easier.
I began my jog, Lucky prancing beside me. I was barely above five feet, so my version of a jog for anyone else would be a fast walk. But Lucky didn’t mind my pace.
A few people nodded at me as they walked past, and I was grateful that the first set had been tourists who didn’t recognize me. It was still cold enough outside since it was late January that, though the sun was beginning to shine brightly, there was still snow on the ground and an icy chill in the air. But I had warm enough clothes on, and Lucky was in his element. My dog loved snow.
Thankfully we lived in a mountain town in Colorado, so he got his fill of it. I probably wasn’t going to get tired of it anytime soon, but if I did, I would head to the resort and go annoy Scarlett. She was the manager, and I’d be able to sit in front of the large fireplace with a book and pretend that I was happy.
I nearly tripped over my own feet.
Pretending. Well, that wasn’t the greatest thing to come to mind. I didn’t want to pretend I was happy. I wanted to be happy.
It had been a year now since Joshua had died, a year since my life had changed radically.
How was I supposed to go back to normal?
“Harper. Oh Harper.”
I held back a cringe as Ms. Patty came forward. She was bundled up and looked adorable in her white puffy jacket and cashmere scarf. Her hat was perfectly knitted, and I knew she had done that herself. The mayor’s wife was the Jill of all trades as she called herself. Everything she touched was perfect.
I tried not to think about the stains that were probably on my leggings, or the hole in my glove.
The idea of using Joshua’s life insurance had nearly broken me. I’d done the only thing I could with it, however—other than leaving it in the bank—and put it toward the bakery. He hadn’t had too much equity in his home, so all that money had just gone into overhead with the increasing cost of being a business owner.
And it wasn’t like I had the energy to go out and shop and buy pretty things. Who would see them anyway?”
“Hi Ms. Patty. Good morning.”
“Good morning. I went over to the bakery to get a Danish and didn’t you see there. But I see you’re here with this lovely boy. Hello, Lucky.”
Lucky sat, wiggling, and held up a paw.
