Page 23 of Endlessly Yours
I raised a brow at my brother. “Are you saying that because you actually missed me here on property or the fact that I cook more than you?”
Wyatt put his hand over his chest and staggered back dramatically. “How dare you. I like your presence.”
“You like his enchiladas more,” Ava teased as she came forward and pushed her husband out of the way. Then she wrapped her arms around my neck and slapped a noisy, wet kiss on my cheek.
Feeling far more lighthearted than I had been in over a month, I circled my arms around her waist and spun my sister-in-law in the air.
“I do make a good green chili enchilada.”
“Yes, you do. I’ve missed them so. I realized that I can cook, and Wyatt and I do take turns in the kitchen, but I do enjoy it when you’re the one who cooks for us.” She fluttered her eyelashes as I set her down on the ground. “What do you say? Will you be our third? It would really help things in the chores department.”
Elliot, my cousin, burst out laughing next to us. “Oh, please. Please make this happen. First, I wouldn’t be the only triad in the family anymore, and it would annoy Wyatt to no end.”
“Did you just proposition my brother?” Wyatt asked, a glare on his face.
My lips twitching, I covered my mouth with my hand and pretended to scratch at my week-old beard. I should probably shave, but my beard grew quickly enough that it was now just at the point where it would be soft again. Not that it truly mattered who it was soft for. The only person I had been kissing recently was Rory, and that wasn’t truly that recent. Nor would it ever happen again, as I continued to remind myself.
Amara hadn’t liked my beard at all. Even when I used oil on it to make it smooth, she hadn’t liked the sensation on her skin.
So, I had usually gone with a completely smooth face for her. I hadn’t minded, because Amara never asked for much. I swallowed hard, thinking of her final ask of me. Well, she didn’t usually ask for much. Asking me to try again, though? That just wasn’t going to happen.
When Rory’s face popped into my mind at that very instant, I held back a scowl.
There was no reason to be thinking of Rory in that context. Just because we had slept together, didn’t mean it would happen again.
As it was, the anniversary of losing Amara and, subsequently, the anniversary of sleeping with Rory had passed in the month that I had been gone. None of my family had mentioned it because they knew me well enough to even go down that path.
The first anniversary that I had spent with my family, each of them had tried to say something, though there was nothing to say. Then, they’d walked away from that and done their best just to be family.
As Wyatt and Elliot began to squabble, I took a step back and stared at my family, wondering exactly how I’d ended up here.
“I don’t actually want to marry him, you jerk. But I do want that enchilada recipe.”
“It’s yours. And I’ll even make them for you sometime. But I’m not marrying you. Sorry. I already did that marriage thing, not doing it again.”
People gave me odd looks, and I shrugged, not wanting to get into it. I was a widower. I had been for years now. It wasn’t as if grief just left. Yes, I missed my wife. But I didn’t think of myself as married any longer. It had been enough years that it wasn’t as if I woke up and thought she would be by my side every day. That no longer happened. Sometimes, she’d still be in my dreams, and it would be a daily thing in which we were cooking dinner, perhaps trying to figure out what to go on the grocery list. And she would just be there.
As if no time had passed, and then the guilt would hit. Guilt that I had moved on and perhaps forgotten that she’d been alive this whole time during those years.
Brains were funny things when it came to grief. Because I did miss my wife. I would do anything to have Amara back.
But I wasn’t the same man I’d been when she died, and I didn’t go day by day into my grief, drinking my pain.
I wasn’t ready to move on in terms of getting married and following in my family’s footsteps.
But I wasn’t a sorry excuse for a human being any longer.
The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end, and I turned to see Rory standing there, speaking with Alexis about something. Had she heard me say I would never marry again? I hoped so. It would make things easier, wouldn’t it? To lay that out there, even though there was no way that marriage was ever in the cards for us. We had had one night, a few kisses, and a few moments of connection. But now she was my neighbor, a woman trying to raise two kids she didn’t know, and she wasn’t my future. Wasn’t my path.
Someone cleared their throat beside me, and I turned to see Ridge standing there, his face studying me before looking over toward Rory.
“You here to play ball with us?” Ridge asked as he rocked back on his heels.
It was nice to see Ridge so calm, no more of that darkness that had constantly seeped into his waking days. Because when I had been through hell, Ridge had been through his own version. I still couldn’t quite believe that he could walk on two feet, let alone get married and want to start a family.
He had way more balls than I did. Because I wasn’t about to do that.
Hell, not only were all of my cousins married and starting families but all three of my brothers were married. Wyatt had Faith, Ava’s child from her first marriage, who was right smack in the middle of Cameron and Alice’s ages. Then there was Gabriel, my rock star of a brother who was not only married and out on tour, but their child Maisie was a year old now. That still surprised me. Because of all the people settling down in our family, between all of the cousins, Gabriel was never it.
