Page 62 of Accidentally Forever
“You don’t have to come inside with me if you do not want to.” I threaded my fingers with Aria’s, dread settling in my gut.
I didn’t want to walk inside that building. I wanted to walk away and leave all family obligations behind. And while I could do that with most things, I wasn’t sure I could do that with the man whose blood ran in my veins.
“If you don’t want me to go inside, I won’t. But you’re the one who repeatedly tells me that I don’t have to do everything on my own. That I have an entire support system. And you were always not so quietly by my side even when I didn’t realize I needed help. So let me be that pillar you lean on when it’s too much.”
We stood in the parking lot of thememory care center, and I turned, our hands still clasped, and I used my free one to push aside a strand of her hair. “You were always too busy saving everybody else to worry about yourself. Somebody had to do it.”
“Next time just talk directly into a mirror when you say that.”
I let out a sigh before I began pacing in front of the entrance. I let go of Aria’s hand, only because she stood back watching me. “I want to get my car and take you away from here. I don’t want to go in there.”
“Then we don’t.” She said it so simply but we both knew it was anything but. Yet she’d risk the world for me. Just like I’d do for her.
I had no idea how I’d been able to pretend to hate her for so long when all along it was this fiery passion and love I had for her.
This woman.
And that meant I didn’t want her to have to face my demons—ones I didn’t want in my life to begin with.
“Doesn’t that make me a terrible person? That’s my dad in there.” I pointed toward the glass doors. Nobody was outside, and with the angle we were at, the only people who could see us were those in the security booth. What would they think of my hesitancy? They probably had tons to say, then again, if they knew who that man was, maybe they would be on my side.
Aria moved closer then, her hand outstretched to cup my cheek. I paused in my pacing at her touch. “That man is your genetic donor. You know that. I’ve only met him a few times, and you always got me out of there since it was too much for everyone involved. You protected all of us before he showed his true colors. But I know so many of your stories. Of the way he would belittle you. Of the way he wouldn’t stand up for you but would shower your mother in affection after she did such terrible things to you.”
“Why can’t we just quit them?” I ground out. I ran my hands through her hair, knowing she was my anchor even though it might be too much for either of us.
Aria slid her hands over my chest, her fingertips playing with a small thread on my shirt. “In your case it’s because there is a sad man in there who doesn’t remember the terrible things he did. You’re not here for your mother, as she feels it’s easy to walk away when it’s too much. And it’s hard for me to even hear her name without wanting to claw her eyes out for what she did to you. She deserves to be in a jail cell. Not able to walk around this community with her head held high as people pity her for what her husband is going through. They don’t know the truth of the viper beneath her skin. But we do. Our family does. We’re not going to let her hurt you.”
It was such a role reversal, her trying to protect me. It didn’t feel right. I wanted to be the one to protect her, and here I was, ready to drag her into the lion’s den that was this center with the man who had hurt me just as much as my mother even though it was rarely with his fists.
“Sometimes I feel like my dad is in his own prison. He can’t remember the terrible things he did, but he can’t remember himself. As he faces his own mortality and can’t remember the path of hate and fear he paved. Because that’s what this disease robs you of. It’s taking away a man who hated me and leaving behind a shell that doesn’t understand the complexity of how I feel. Hell, I don’t even understand.”
I’d never bared myself like this to anyone. Of course it would be Aria. There was only one person it could have ever been.
“We can walk away right now. You don’t owe him anything. But you do owe yourself. If you need closure, we will help you get it. I just want to keep you safe. Just like you always tried to do for me.”
I pushed her hair back from her face once more, wanting to kiss her, to hold her. I loved her so much in that moment, it was hard for me to focus.
I didn’t even know when I had first felt that pulltoward her. That feeling had always been there, something I had hidden, pushed down. But it had always floated under the surface, waiting for me to acknowledge its insistence. And in the end, I couldn’t ignore it. Because here she was, the woman who had wrapped herself around every ounce of my being. And I never wanted to let her go.
Only I knew once we walked through those doors, she could get hurt.
So what kind of love was that?
I let out a gruff breath. “The nurse sounded scared. Or worried. Let’s just see what happens, and I’ll take it day by day.”
“Okay then. But you’re not doing it alone.”
I leaned down and brushed my lips against hers, just a soft caress to remind me I had someone to come home to. Though she didn’t technically live with me. She might stay at my place more than I stayed at hers, but we were still separate. Still trying to navigate this new facet of our relationship.
I wanted so much, even though I was afraid to grasp it. That hope.
I once again tangled my fingers with hers and we walked inside the memory care center.
“Hi, Linda,” I said to the familiar desk nurse.
She gave me a small smile before turning her attentionto Aria. “Hello, you two. Crew, we have you all set up, I just need you to sign in. And who is this?”
“I’m Aria Montgomery. A friend of Crew’s.”
