Page 56 of Accidentally Forever
I didn’t have to work. I didn’t have to paint—no, that was a lie. Ididhave to paint. But it had nothing to do with income and everything to do with who I was. I might have money thanks to my family. I might like to keep businesses going and working with investments just to see what I could do with it.
But whatever screamed inside me needed to get out, and painting was that way for me.
It wasn’t a job.
It was art.
And that made me sound like a damn idiot who couldn’t make sense of what was truth and what was the artist’s ideal. I wasn’t the starving artist, but I fucking loved what I did.
Yet if I had to put down my paintbrush tomorrow, I wasn’t sure if I could do it. Not because of what I needed, but what pounded within me. And I knew it was the same for Aria when it came to her photography. She might have a chip on her shoulder when it came to her father, but she was getting past that. I saw it with the way she spoke with her dad. With the way she always had her camera on her now. She was changing, seeing the light.
And maybe that had to do with leaving Travis.
Even thinking of his name made me want to growl, but it was the truth. Travis had always been a shit when it came to Aria’s work. He’d always degraded her without most people even realizing he was doing it. He was so damn good at making sure the world knewhewas the talented one and Aria “did her best.” Aria put her own work and life to the side for him and there was no way I’d ever let that happen again. Even if me standingin front of her over whatever happened meant she’d hate me and try to push me away.
Hell, maybe I was the idiot here. The one who needed to learn more. To realize that maybe she didn’t want me for the long haul.
And this was why I didn’t do relationships.
I couldn’t get out of my own damn head.
“Crew? You good?”
I blinked out of my own thoughts at the sound of Lex’s voice and let out a breath. I clearly needed more sleep if I was going to spiral like that. Aria and I weren’t that serious. Yes, I loved her, but I had no idea what she felt about me. So venturing down that path felt as if it would be better classified as a minefield.
Nothing good could come from facing Aria Montgomery and her feelings.
The best way to deal with the future was to ignore it and be there until she woke up out of whatever this was and walked away.
It would be better for everyone once she did.
I’d hate it.
Hate her.
Hate myself.
But it would be for the best.
“Yeah. I’m good. And ready to hit some balls.”
Lex merely raised a brow, knowing I was lyingthrough my teeth before handing me my helmet. “By all means. Have fun with your balls.”
“Always do,” I snapped back turning toward the cage.
Having a projectile coming at my face at seventy miles per hour or more sounded a whole hell of a lot better than dealing with the idea that Aria only loved me for the now and not the forever.
A forever I didn’t know if I even wanted considering my parents’ idea of forever.
The crack of the bat against the first ball pushed all thoughts of my version of hell out of my mind and then I swung again. And again.
Until there was nothing left but the shell that I’d become.
Since Lex had drivenme to the batting cages as I’d wanted a few beers, he also drove me home. “You know, I only asked about Aria earlier because I think the two of you are good for each other.”
I turned to him as he pulled into my neighborhood. “Yeah?”
Lex’s mouth turned up into a small smile. “Yes.You’re both good for each other even when you’re yelling at one another.”
