Page 36 of Accidentally Forever
I put my phone back in my pocket, not bothering to answer. Crew had been standing next to me, and his jaw clenched, but he didn’t say anything.
“I’m not going to answer him.”
He gave me a tight nod, and I hoped he believed me. Honestly, I hoped I believed myself. Because I didn’t know which Travis was texting me. The one who felt remorseful, or the one who needed something. I was afraid it would always be the latter.
As Crew went off to help my mother with something in her office, my dad pulled me to the side. I tensed once again, thinking about that text and what this dinner meant.
“I’m not talking about Crew.” I hadn’t meant to blurt the words, but I was so afraid to say anything that would ruin what was just starting, that I needed these moments to myself.
My dad just smiled. “I love Crew. I trust you.”
My eyes widened. “What?”
“We were going to ask Crew to dinner anyway because we wanted to check on him after the incident.” My dad’s eyes darkened and we both swallowed hard. “The fact that he now seems to be dating my daughter is a recent development. And I’m not going to get all alpha male and sit on the porch with a shotgun. Hell, if your mother’s parents had done that to me, I don’t think I ever would’ve made it past the front door. Especially as the man I used to be.”
I reached out and squeezed my dad’s wrist. “You’re the best father. And Mom says you’re the best husband. Just saying.”
He shook his head. “I wasn’t a good husband to my first wife. But then again, she wasn’t a good wife. We said and did things we can’t take back, but I’m not that man anymore.” I didn’t wince as he said it, they werevery open about their past, but it still hurt to hear. “My opinion of Crew is that if he hurts my baby girl, I will hurt him. But I’m not going to get in the middle of the relationship.”
“I love you, Dad.”
“I love you too, baby girl. But while we talked on the phone about it, I want to talk about that day in your studio.”
I tensed, and my dad pulled me to the porch swing, and we sat next to each other, my toes brushing the hard wood as my dad and his long legs pushed us back and forth.
“I never know how to approach you when it comes to photography. And that might be on me, or it just might be who the two of us are. But the first time you picked up a camera and wanted to learn was one of the best moments of my life.” I smiled at him. He put an arm around my shoulder, and I leaned into his familiar hold.
“I’m always so nervous.”
“Because of what it can mean? Or because of me?”
“I don’t have an answer to that.”
He nodded, and we were silent for little bit longer. “I don’t know how to fix that for you. And maybe it’s not my job to fix it. I’m always here if you need me.”
“I know.” I shook my head. “I just hatethe fact that I always feel like I’m searching for something. And that maybe I’ll never find it.”
“I don’t know what I’m looking for when I work on a project. Sometimes it calls for me, sometimes I stumble into it. I don’t have to work every day to breathe, but the feeling that comes from it? That keeps me steady. Just like your mom does.”
“My camera’s in the front foyer. I didn’t want to leave it in the car. But I brought it with me.”
“Good.Good.” And I heard the relief in that. He and Crew had both noticed I hadn’t brought my camera with me everywhere like I used to. It hadn’t felt like an extension of myself like it once had. Honestly, I hadn’t even noticed the lack of it until Crew had set it down on that picnic table.
Now it went everywhere with me. Even if I wasn’t always ready to take a photo.
“I’m going to say something, and I don’t want you to hate me for it.”
I tensed at my father’s words but nodded.
“Watching you with Travis reminded me of what your mother saw before we were together, and I hated that for you. I don’t like the man that I was, and I am grateful every day that you never had to meet him. And I hope to hell that one day Travis finds peace. That he figures out how to help himself. Because that will alwaysbe the first step. But I’m going to be a selfish bastard and say that I’m glad you are taking time for yourself too.”
I wiped away a tear and leaned into my father more. “I love you, Daddy.”
He let out a rough chuckle. “I love you too, baby girl. Now, let’s go inside and interrogate your boyfriend.”
I shook my head. “Let’s not do labels. Labels are scary.”
We stood up as my dad laughed. “I will never understand this generation.”
