Page 11 of Accidentally Forever
I was crying because I lost myself.
And because I lost the man I told myself I wasn’t allowed to love.
Chapter Three
Crew
With a gasp, I once again woke up after a dream with Aria as the center. It felt like it was the only thing that I did these days.
Go to sleep doing my best not to think about her.
And wake up drenched in sweat because she was the only thing on my mind.
This time it hadn’t been with her screaming, begging me to help and I was too late and too weak to save her. The dream that I’d been forced to endure for the past week since walking in on Travis hurting her felt as if it would never go away. No, it had been another kind of dream.
The whole damn situation felt so unlike Aria. Because that woman was stubborn as helland always pushed people away who wanted to help her. She had to be the one doing it herself. She had to be the one protecting herself. No matter what came at her, she was the one who changed things. The fact that I loved that she was so damn stubborn probably had more to do with my idiocy than her willingness to walk away. After all, we’d always promised no feelings. No promises beyond those.
I still remembered that first time we kissed. The two of us had been a little drunk, but notthatdrunk. My dad had said some shit the hour before, and I had nearly made my knuckles bleed against the punching bag. She had walked in from her self-defense class, shook her head, and dragged me to the pub. She’d had an issue with Travis that had nothing to do with drinking and everything to do with the man being a narcissistic asshole. The two of us had one too many beers and fell into one another.
In truth, I’d let myself finally have what I’d always wanted—if only for a night.
No promises, except to always be friends. And we had done a decent job of that. Not a single person knew we had slept together multiple times over the year.
And not a single person knew I was so fucking in love with her that it hurt to breathe if I thought about it too hard. It was my cross to bear. After all, we hadpromised each other not to catch feelings and that was the first thing that I had done.
It didn’t help that she was a damn Montgomery. And I had already dated Daisy, and while that hadn’t worked out, we had been better friends anyway. Plus I loved Daisy’s husband. We got along, and there wasn’t any awkwardness about the fact that Daisy and I used to sleep together. And contrary to popular belief, Lex and I had never dated. We were just friends, friends that like to fuck with people’s minds because everybody outside of his family was way too judgmental and nosy.
Any feelings I had for Aria were always an issue. Because she clearly didn’t feel what I felt. And after everything that happened with Travis, she was in no place to even want more.
Yet the dream I had shot up from had nothing to do with her being unable to fight back. For me not being fast enough.
No, we were once again in bed, my mouth on hers, her hands roaming slowly over my back.
I had sunk into her, slowly thrusting in and out in that way that teased and made her eyes roll into the back of her head. She loved it when I went slow, even though she begged me to go fast and hard.
We might have played rough, but I knew she liked it soft. So I usually never gave it to her soft. As that wouldbe crossing a line, or would reveal far too much. Because while I knew that I loved her, I also knew I couldn’t have her. She was way too damn good for me. Especially with what I had to deal with today.
I got out of bed and tried to get thoughts of Aria out of my mind. Except the erection currently tenting my boxer briefs said otherwise. My cock felt as if one touch would make me blow but I knew if I fucked my fist in this moment, I’d only be thinking of her..
I quickly turned on the shower, set it to ice cold, and stepped in, ignoring the pinpricks of sensation. Then I did the one thing I knew I would hit myself for later and gripped the base of my cock, stroking myself.
I squeezed hard, just on the edge of pain, imagining Aria’s mouth wrapped around my dick as she sank to her knees, her eyes wide. She’d grip my hips, her nails digging in, and I would thrust harder before coming down that beautiful throat. Or maybe I’d paint her tits with my cum, knowing she’d glare at me for it.
And when I would crush my mouth to hers, tasting myself on her tongue, she would moan into me, and I would send her right over the edge with my fingers. I’d stretch her with two, then three fingers, loving the way her soft pussy would clench around me. I’d be rough at first, then gentle right when she was at the edge, before playing with her clit to send her over.
Imagining her body going weak, her nipples hard, her mouth parting as she came, finally brought me over. I came hard, spurting over the shower wall, my breath coming in pants. I lifted the handheld showerhead and washed off my shame.
I was a monster. A filthy, disgusting monster.
I knew I wasn’t going to stop. There was something wrong with me, but I couldn’t change it. I was far too gone by now.
Afterward, I quickly showered and stepped out of the walk-in monstrosity that Lexington and the others had built for me. I loved the damn thing, but it could easily fit eight people.
It helped having friends who called themselves family in the construction business. My dream home had been built and decorated to perfection because of the Montgomerys. They’d known exactly what I wanted without me having to think too hard on it. There were only a few times where we’d butted heads since budget hadn’t mattered to me and they’d wanted to ensure I didn’t spend my entire savings.
Not everybody knew that I had paid for everything in cash. Lexington did because Lexington knew most of everything. Except he didn’t know about Aria, of course. Nobody needed to know about her.
There was a reason I kept my secrets. Namely why Iwas in a fucking mood at the moment and it wasn’t solely about the woman I couldn’t get out of my head. I quickly dressed, and knew if I didn’t get out of there quickly, I would be late.
