Page 10 of Accidentally Forever
“As you can see, I am fine. The cops didn’t have anything on me, and whatever you said to them in the hospital was along the same lines as what I said. We didn’t lie, we didn’t cheat, but I’m still not ready to hash it out. I don’t know where your little boyfriend is, but I am so fucking angry right now.”
Sebastian sighed. “Crew. This isn’t helping.”
We both looked at Sebastian and I shook my head. “Will you please get in the car? We need to have this out.”
Sebastian looked between us before throwing up his hands and eventually getting in the car. He wouldprobably be able to hear us through the windows, but I didn’t care.
I was just so tired. “Crew. I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t be.” For an instant I saw the pure terror in his gaze, and I wanted to reach out. I wanted to hold him and tell him I was okay. And for him to tell me the same. But I didn’t have that right. And nobody knew the connection we had anyway. Or at least the connection weoncehad. We had both destroyed whatever could’ve been long ago.
Only now wasn’t the time to focus on that. “There won’t be anything on your record, right?”
“No. No charges. They figured out what happened. Or at least, what happened after I got there.” Crew ran his hands over his face, looking as exhausted as I felt in that moment. “You really should be in bed. He could’ve killed you, Aria. And I don’t know what he would’ve done if I hadn’t shown up when I did.”
Tears began to fall down my cheeks, but I didn’t brush them away. I didn’t have the energy. “I tried to fight back. But it was like I forgot how to. I know you tried to make sure I knew what I was doing, same with my dad, but I couldn’t think. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, Crew. I’m sorry you were in the middle of this.”
He cursed under his breath again before reachingout to wipe away my tears. That made me want to cry harder. To fall into his arms and pretend that everything was okay.
I wasn’t sure if my touch would be welcomed—nor did I know if I was ready to show the world the scars of my soul with that single touch.
“I don’t want you to see him anymore, Aria. I know we already fought about this. I am tired of fighting. I just can’t look at the bruises on your neck and your cheek and not want to kill him. I know you hate me. But do it for yourself. Walk away. He’s not worth it.”
Each word was like a blow, but I understood them. How could I not when I knew the truth?
I had been friends with Travis since middle school. He hadn’t been my first kiss, but he had been one of them. We had similar interests, and he’d always made me laugh. We had never dated, but the crush I’d had on him had waned years ago. So when he had fallen into his demons, for some reason I had thought I would be the one to pull him out of it.
I thought I had been enough for him, but I hadn’t been. It hadn’t been the love so many people thought it was. It had been my desire to fix everything. And I had failed. And I kept hurting everyone around me trying to protect the person I thought needed me.
“Iamdone.” Crew’s eyes widened, and I continued. “I just wanted to make sure they didn’t keep you. And I wanted to thank you.”
I heard the lack of emotion in my voice, saw the worry on Crew’s face. But he didn’t need to save me anymore. He needed to move on. Because while the puppy love I felt for Travis hadn’t been there for a long time, the deep and abiding need for the man in front of me scared me. But he didn’t want me, didn’t want my baggage, and I didn’t want to be the one who drowned him.
“Stop thinking.” He shook his head. “I’m so fucking angry, Aria.”
I stiffened but didn’t say anything.
“He could’ve killed you, and I could’ve been too late. Just go get some sleep. I just can’t.” And with that, he ran his thumb down my cheek once more, as if afraid to hurt me, before he turned and walked toward Lexington.
I hadn’t even realized my cousin had shown up, but there he was, engine running, as Crew got in without another word. As I stood there, my brother coming up behind me, I couldn’t help but wonder what else I could screw up for the day.
“Let’s get you back to my guest room, put more ice on that cheek, and then you’re going to let me feed you.” My brother paused. “This wasn’t your fault, Aria.”
I didn’t say anything, because I knew he was lying to both of us. But I got in the car and let him drive me to his home because I wasn’t the only one in pain today.
Raven and Nora were out of the house, and I was grateful for the reprieve. I didn’t want to have to explain my bruises to his wife or daughter, so instead I took the ice pack from Sebastian and went into the guest bathroom.
I ignored the photos on the walls, the artistic pieces my father and I had each done for him. My brother had made this part of his home an homage to his family’s art. But all I could see was the lack of substance in mine. I turned on the shower and let the steam begin to billow through the room before I walked under the stream with my clothes on and sank to the ground.
This time I let the tears freely fall as I sobbed into my hands. My shoulders shook, and I had to hope that the water would drown out the sounds of my failure.
I had been so wrong. I couldn’t fix Travis. He wasn’t the boy that I had known. He wasn’t even a man I could recognize now. I didn’t know what was going to happen next with him, but I knew I needed to stop. I wasn’t like my mother who had been able to show my father what a future could be. I wasn’t like my friends who could be a touchstone.
Instead I was the one who couldn’t see the darkness until the shadows had gripped me in their hold.
And along the way, I had hurt the one man who had ever tried to care for me.
I wasn’t crying because I had lost Travis. Because I had lost him long ago.
