Page 19 of Accidentally Forever
And yet I knew even thinking those words was just denial.
Because the hidden part of me wanted to lean on her in return even though I knew it was a mistake.
Everything I did for my friends was a responsibility. And just the fact that Aria and I had been sleeping together off and on for months was a complication that neither one of us had faced for all this time.
But I was done hiding.
Yet that seemed like all talk and no action. So maybe it was time to actually do something.
“I thought you hated me.”
The words were like a punch to the gut, but I didn’t blame her for them. After all, I wasn’t a nice man. And I hadn’t been kind to her. We had used one another when we had needed to feel, or perhaps not feel at all, and now we needed to face the consequences of those choices.
I knew her body, knew what she needed, but sometimes I felt like I didn’t know her—let alone myself.
So how was I standing here?
“I don’t hate you, Aria. I hate how I am when I’m around you.”
She blanched, and I cursed under my breath. She spoke before I had a chance to. “I don’t want you to change who you are. You’re one of my best friends, Crew. And I feel like I screwed everything up by kissing you. By leaning on you when I felt like you couldn’t lean on me. Or maybeyoufelt like you couldn’t. I wasn’t strong enough for you.”
I shook my head, then leaned forward, cupping her cheek. My hand was so big compared to her face, it just reminded me how gentle she was. Breakable. Oh, she could fight back, that was clear. She was so damn strong. But she used that as a veneer. A shield against the world. Her family loved her, and they understood her, but I didn’t think she understood what they saw.
It wasn’t my problem to fix. Wasn’t my responsibility.
But I wanted to.
And that scared me more than anything.
“You’re not weak. If I needed help, I would ask.”
She raised a brow at the lie, so I leaned forward and brushed my lips against hers. She gaspedinto my mouth as I swiped my tongue along hers, deepening the kiss for an instant before taking a step back.
The heat between us had never been a problem. But that heat scorched, left scars. And I needed to figure out exactly what to do about that.
For Aria.
“Let’s just get some sleep, I know you haven’t been getting enough, and we’ll talk in the morning.”
“I feel like I’m three steps behind.”
Same. “You’ll be better after you sleep.”
“Are you ordering me around?”
“Maybe you should let me for the moment. Because you’ve been trying to lift up everyone else around you for so long, you forget about yourself.”
“That’s not true. My family doesn’t do that to me.”
“They don’t. But you also don’t let them help you. Don’t lie. You keep them at arm’s length, just like you do everyone else. Just like you do me. But unlike your family, I’ll call you out on your bullshit. So go put on one of my shirts, get into bed, and we will both sleep. I won’t touch you unless you ask. But with those dark circles under your eyes, you need to catch a few Z’s.”
“Why are you so bossy?”
I leaned down and kissed her hard on the mouth. “Because you like it. Bed. Now.”
She stared at me for a moment, before shaking her head and doing exactly like I had ordered.
I didn’t know why that pleased me so much.
