Page 68 of Pragma
“You have no problem with moving on after you get what you want.”
My words and their meaning seem to float in the air for a silent moment.
Until he spits out, “Fuck. That’s what you think? Really?”
No, it isn’t. I know you are so much more.
“I can’t believe you!” He grabs a fistful of his hair and pulls, urging me to stop it, but I don’t move. His hand lets go. “You started this!” He pokes my chest with his long finger.
“What?”
“You kissed me while you were asleep.”
I did? I frown, trying to remember, but I can’t for the life of me recall it. That was a dream…right?
“You awakened this want inside me. And you need to take responsibility.”
Yes, I have a responsibility toward him. Aki gave me everything I needed. He helped me take control of my life with his acceptance and bloodthirst. I should do the same for him, even if it feels like squashing my heart under my boot.
“We need to go.” I take a step back. “You have a date waiting. Thekumichofixed it.”
“What?” he exclaims.
“The car is downstairs.”
“My family is important to me,” he states, unwavering brown gaze on me. “But so are you.”
Why does he have to make it so difficult? I’m doing this for him. “Don’t…”
It’s too late to stop the flash of hurt in his dark pools as he interprets whatever he sees in mine for what it is.
“You have no faith in me.”
Faith? He’s my purpose in life. The only reason I’m here. That’s why I can’t fuck it up for him. He could lose his position, his family, even his life.
“Don’t twist my intentions.”
“So you want me to get married and share a bed with someone else?”
I grit my teeth.
“To be fucked by them?”
Rage. Contempt. Jealousy. A dark proprietorship. All of them blend inside me, turning my blood as hot and thick as lava.
“The relationship can be platonic.” I say it more to calm myself.
He chuckles bitterly. “Why? If I have a hot stallion I don’t keep it resting in the stable. They’ll be my partner. I’ll be all theirs, and you? What would you become?”
I don’t know. All my memories with him are good, even the bad ones. They are what has made it possible for me to be here right now, together with him. But witnessing Aki with someone else, that could change everything. Would I be able to stay and watch him get married? Would I be able to leave him when that happens?
“I outrank you. You have to listen to me, you stubborn idiot,” he murmurs weakly, punching my chest twice with not enough force.
I can’t… My heart squeezes painfully in my chest.
“I didn’t know you were a coward.” I’ve never seen disappointment in his eyes. It’s like a bullet straight to my already bleeding chest.
Without another word, he stomps out of the room, and after a moment, I follow him as I always do.
