Page 38 of Happy Krampus Xmas & the Meet Not Cute
The messy pile of filthy football uniforms scattered around is the main cause of the unbearable odor. Cleaning the Wolves’ locker room is one of the most disgusting jobs on campus. But at this time in the late evening, the building is quiet. The silence allows me to listen to the recordings of my lessons undisturbed while I’m mopping.
I don’t get paid enough for this crap, though. People can really be repellant with little effort. This level of carelessness says a lot about the jocks that were here an hour ago. Entitled, spoiled, rich jerks who have never worked one day in their lives. Not all of them of course, but most.
Professor Corder’s voice is clear through my earphones as he talks on and on about the importance of social stratification and deviance. I move all the damp towels in the basket and then go spray the all-purpose cleaner on the shower floors and walls. I check the time on my phone. It’s late. I need to finish up quickly; luckily the gym is already done—another fetid, virus-crawling nightmare that was.
My cell starts ringing, halting the professor’s lecture. I smile when Lori’s name appears on the screen.
“Nutso,” I greet him.
“You are a mean one, Mister Grinch,” his singsong voice answers back.
“Youare the meanest.”
“Apparently it’s because I’m short. I’m closer to hell.” How he can say that in a serious tone is beyond me.
“You’re ridiculous,” I scoff.
“Hey, attitude!” he scolds me, then in a cheery voice he asks, “What are you up to?”
“Working,” I reply, while gathering the stinky uniforms.
“Take five, mate. I’m sure you’ve earned a break.” Lori is such a roguish dude and a great friend. Thanks to him, my life changed radically. He’d say that it was mostly me who did it, but Gabe, one of Lori’s fiancés, made it actually happen.
“I’m behind already…” I start saying, but he interrupts me.
“Then take two. Get out of that foul-smelling, glow-killing, ghoul-infested room and take a big breath while we talk.”
I sigh.Ghoul-infested?“I guess I can take the uniforms and towels to the laundry room while on the phone.” And then come back to rinse the showers.
“I hope you’re wearing gloves, a mask, and a hazmat suit!”
I chuckle as I push the laundry cart out of the locker room—wishing I really had a biohazard suit. “I’m sporting the rainbow headband you gave me for my birthday. Does that count?”
“Take a picture! Take a picture! I want to see how it looks.”
“You’re wasting your two minutes.”
He blows a raspberry. “You work too hard, Spencer-Dancer. You need to chill more, and coincidentally, I have the best solution.”
“You do?” I ask suspiciously. Lori is a mischievous force of nature. His mind is rarely still, always planning something.
“As a matter of fact, I do. I’ll start the social psychology class with you in two days,” he screams in my ear.
“A cognate course?”
“Yes!”
Lori goes to the Kent College of Law, while I’m at Safford. I’m studying to become a social worker, Lori to be a lawyer.
“Every Wednesday for three months. Which means that I’ll help you find some…fun while I’m on campus grounds.”
“Fun,” I deadpan. “What makes you think I don’t get myfunalready?”
“Your overly stiff shoulders and the downturn of your mouth. You need more snogging and shagging and less wanking.”
The way he talks is amusing and confusing at times. He’s older than me, even though he looks twenty at best. I don’t know his precise age; I don’t think anybody does or ever will.
“I get enough…shagging,” I grunt, as I tip the cart and let the dirty clothes fall inside the huge baskets in the laundry room.
