Page 21 of Happy Krampus Xmas & the Meet Not Cute
“Some blood of a newt and the paw of a hare, and voilà, you think you’ll be on his good side?” I ignore Ollie’s disdainful question and glance back at Sari with a small smile.
“What else, Angel?”
“Mm, you also need chains to thrash for dramatic effect. Krampus carries them, thought to symbolize the binding of the Devil. The chains are sometimes accompanied with bells of various sizes. Krampus will also carry a bundle of birch branches, with which he occasionally swats children.”
“Birch branches are too hard to find, so a whip it is.” There are some on the shelf on my right, but Sari’s next words stop my hand midair.
“I can give you mine…if… I mean, uhm…” Sari starts stuttering as both Ollie and I turn to look at him with confused expressions.
“You have a whip?” Ollie asks. “What for?”
“What kind of stupid question is that?” I glance at my bestie with an exasperated sigh. “The right one is: do you use it or let someone else do the honors,Angel?”
Sari’s face has turned as red as the Satan costume hanging behind him. “I never… It was a present. I’ll bring it to your apartment today.”
“A present?” Ollie frowns at him. I can see he’s worried—we all tend to want to protect Sari. He’s such a sweetie. But right now, I am trying to stifle the smirk on my lips. I know Sari is not the pure saint everybody thinks. I mean, wasn’t the Devil an angel before falling?
I’ve been keeping an eye on him and Uri. And I’ve learned a few interesting things about them—since I have a bet to win against my fiancés. But now is it not the time for this. I have an altar to make and a demon to impress.
“A present from one of his many suitors, I presume.” I wink at Sari, and he looks down as he wipes his palms on his white, silk pants. In the last months he has found his own style—thanks tomoi! He enjoys soft fabrics, comfy but classy shapes, gentle colors, and delicate tones. His elegant appearance and graceful moves turn him into sex on a stick—not that he wasn’t before. He’s just more alluring now, looks more comfortable in his skin. I’d die to get my hands on the long camel coat he’s wearing.
“Who—?” Ollie starts to ask, but I interrupt him.
“Bestie, back off. Now…is not the time.” I stare at Ollie, widening my eyes a little while trying to silently communicate to let it go.
He glances at Sari for a couple of seconds before turning toward the cart. “This is crazy, Lor! I can’t keep enabling you,” Ollie declares.
“You have to help me!” I counter, feeling annoyed by his negative attitude. Sully is having more panic attacks lately, and Ollie isworried about letting him go to college next semester. Hence his venting on me.
“It’s, as you’d say, bonkers,” he states blatantly.
“Come on! I didn't ask you to…donate a testicle,” I tell him. “But since we are on the subject, would you?”
“Would I what?”
“Donate one of your testicles,” Sari explains, and I nod.
“A treasure sack, for me.”
Ollie raises his arms toward the sky, looking all irked about what? I really don’t understand.
“What the hell does it have to do with this?”
“Mm, that's a no then. That hurts. You think you know somebody…” I shake my head. “Is Rague the issue here? You think he wouldn’t love a one nut dude.That’sbonkers! He’d adore you even if you were a eunuch.”
“Motherfucker, you’re impossible,” he hisses. “Of course, I’d give you one of my balls.”
“Awwww!” As I jump on him—koala-style—I notice a couple of women gawking at us. “My best mate just confessed he’d chop off one of his balls for me. Isn’t that unconditional love?”
They gasp and mumble something I really don’t give a shit about.
“This is the highest and purest form of love, the gift of one of your juice nuts,” I say loudly, sighing longingly for dramatic effect.
“You are nuts!” Ollie replies.Is the pun intended?
“Your ball is just a metaphor! It means you’ll do anything for me.” I wipe an imaginary tear off the corner of my eye.
“Okay, Okay. Let’s get this over with!” Ollie pushes me unceremoniously off him, but I can see his curled-up lips. He loves me.
