Page 6 of Happy Krampus Xmas & the Meet Not Cute
“I see.” The she-elf doesn’t laugh or tell me to fuck off. She seems to ponder the issue—the little bells on her elf-shoe jingles as she taps her foot on the floor—after a couple of seconds, she utters, “You should…”
“Yessss?” I encourage her.
“I’ll tell you in exchange for Broody’s number.” She smiles at Ash.
Ren laughs while Ash glares at him.
“No,” he growls out.
“No help then,” she singsongs, puckering her lips.
“If what you say will be useful, I’ll tell you where he works,” I try to compromise with her.
“No! What the fuck, man!” Ash turns his murderous glare to me.
“It’s a tattoo shop, Ash. Anybody can walk in.”
“Tattoos? Deal!” She-elf hurriedly says. “Form a groveling plan.”
“A what?” Ren asks.
She rolls her eyes at him, not even remotely attracted by his clean-cut appearance. “Put down a list of things to do to obtain forgiveness. That’s what I’d do anyway. Unless you want to go the witchy-way, cutting rats’ throats and boiling squirrels’ brains.”
That’s not the worst idea. Actually, the more I think about it, the more it makes sense.
“I like you, She-elf.” I smile at her.
“Don’t really know enough about you to say the same,” she retorts boldly. “Broody’s tattoo shop?”
A deal is a deal. I open my mouth, but Ren beats me to it. “Trice&Vice Tattoos.” Ash snarls at him as soon as the words come out.
“Wow. Such a sexy beast.” She puckers her lips at him. “I’ll see you soon, Broody.” She gives him a promising smirk before turning her tinkling shoes around and disappearing inside the tent.
I’m not really into the whole groveling thing. I bloody loathe it. Prefer to be punished, especially if my fiancés use their freakishly longtoolon me.
Ugh, this is a never-ending nightmare.
My thoughts change direction as my attention is stolen by the Offsprings and their umpteenth banter.
“Who’s into lizards? Cold-blooded killers!” Ash is hissing at Ren.
“I have a snake! George is a toothless snake.”
“Voldemort had one too.”
Ren sniffs with derision.“You have a demon camping in your bedroom, with retractable claws and long pupils.”Is he talking about Ash’s Sphynx cat?
“I’ve an acquired taste.” Ash shrugs. “While you have none.”
“Fuck you!” Ren gives him a hard shove. “You, too.” He points at me before walking back to Michael and Raph.
What the sodding hell did I do? “Go, you wanker. I’m so glad to see the back of you!” I yell at him.
“This back,” he uses his thumb to gesture at his spine, “or this one?” He grabs his high arse and then flips me off.
Twat! Before I can retaliate, my phone starts ringing.
It’s maggot time.
