Page 12 of Five
“You’re slipping, mate. But it’s sweet that I haven’t lost the ability to surprise you,” I say cheekily.
“I don’t want to end up as a witness in court when you run over someone—and their family.”
“Hey you pillock, my driving record is clean, no accidents, if you don’t count the truck mishap.” I honk at the moron on the side of the road. “Get on the sidewalk, Forrest Gump!”
“What truck mishap?”
“It happened when you were exiled in the Hocus Pocus cottage with Rague. There was a feral raccoon involved that looked incredibly like Marylin Manson’s estranged twin and a tipped Dunkin’ Donuts truck.” I almost hit a streetlamp when the infernal creature jumped on the hood of my car. “But I got myself a carton of free sugar glazed and jelly donuts that night.” And quite a few pimples to remember the wrongness of my greedy ways.
“How am I still sane after years of being your friend?”
“You aren’t, Ol. Face the facts. I mean, you married a gorilla, who’s possessed by a destructive red demon at times and kills evil people when he’s himself. By the way, how is the red haze flip-over going on?” KKJ is one of Gabe’s foster brothers—or as I call them, the sausage fest, because damn, there’s a delicious man flavor for every taste. He too was experimented on when he was a kid. Don’t remember the scientific details, but at times, he’s governed by a violent red haze attack, going out of control, bloodthirsty, and unstoppable.
“Fine. Same as last time you asked, which was this morning. Are you bored, Lor? I know how you spend your nights at home…with a sock.”
“Two,” I sniff.
“Two socks? That porn must be good!” He chuckles. God, I missed the teasing fucker.
The truth is that I feel a little lost and restless, and I try to distract myself when I can, since… No, I’m not going to think about it.
Ollie must read my mood in my silent response. “I’m sorry I haven’t been around much lately. But we’re back.”
“Yeah?” I stop at a red light, grabbing a piece of gum from the glove compartment to pop in my mouth. “Tell Sully-doo I’m coming for a pizza night tomorrow.” I haven’t seen Ollie’s brother in a few days. He needs company—even more than I do.
“Brad will be here too.” That’s Sully’s bestie.
“When isn’t he?” He still feels guilty for what happened to Sully. Like him being kidnapped was Brad’s fault and not that Phoenix arsehole, a.k.a. Bird Turd. When I get my hands on them, there won’t be any ashes left to resurrect from. “Where are you, mate?”
“The base. Rague just finished with a donor. Who are you stalking, Lori?”
“Gabe.” I ignore his gasp. “Ol, ask KKJ to be my soundtrack. He’s an amazing Captain Corelli with that mandolin of his.” I hear KKJ’s amused grunt through the line. He’s a grumpy gorilla, but he’s perfect for Ollie. Would burn the world to keep him safe.
I envy Ollie at times. Feeling so adored by the person he treasures more than anything else must give him such a euphoric thrill. A thrill onlyoneman could never give me. Ollie is right, I easily get bored, especially of my conquests.
“It’s an ukulele, and no, he won’t enable your crazy-ass addiction,” he retorts.
“My only addiction is Yoga. And I remember you ordering me to stalk KKJ a few months back. ‘Follow him,’ you yelled!”
“So help me God, that’s when your stalking fixation started!” he hisses.
I tsk. “Don’t flatter yourself, it was already in my blood, waiting to surface.” I turn on the radio as I yank the wheel back toward the lane, jolting on my seat while I continue to tail Gabe’s black car. Hydrants shouldn’t be placed on the edge of sidewalks, this is the umpteenth time I’ve almost hit one.
“The Diner” by Billie Eilish comes on. “Ollie, this song is bitching fate!”
“Yes, you’re as creepy as the guy she sings about. Tell the squirrel on meth in your head to make a U-turn and go back home!”
“No can do. He’s too busy counting his nuts at the moment.”
“Gabe is on a case,” KKJ’s raspy voice utters.
“All the more reason to go. I want to get deeper into the evil-dispatching business, and this is the perfect opportunity. Plus, Gabe just entered a very posh, very secretive building. I have to go! If it gets too weird, I’ll split.”
“Like it could ever get too weird for you.” It’s Ollie’s turn to snort.
“Remember the night with the hairy Dom, the laughing monkey, and the egg slicer? I fucking draw the line at that horror show.” I park the car two blocks down and grab myquickie-kitbag from the back seat. I always leave it in the car, for when I need to lookmy best to get a quick fuck. I don’t know where I’m going, but the forest green eyeliner, red rose lipstick, and slutty skirt have gotten me inside too many places to count.
Ollie sighs loudly. “How could I forget.”
