Page 32 of One
I’ve heard branding is popular among people as well, but it looks very painful to me. I look up at his face and notice how his expression has darkened.
“This is a brand, isn’t it?” My voice is soft and comes out hesitantly.
His jaw ticks as he nods. And I know he didn’t do this willingly to himself.
“What happened?” The words escape my lips before I can stop them. I want to know more about Raph, but I don’t want to push him. “If you don’t want to tell me, it’s okay. I’m sorry. We don’t know each other well…”
His eyes jump to mine, and there’s so much depth inside them, I feel all the air in my lungs being sucked out.
“Something happened to me when I was a kid.” His voice is flat and calm.
“What do you mean?”
“I was taken and experimented on. For years.”
All the blood leaves my face, and my mind starts screaming no. No.No!His empty eyes search mine, but after a few seconds he keeps going.
“It was a secret military project. Two fucked-up scientists, using torture and other methods tried to turn me into a cold-blooded assassin, with no emotions whatsoever. Only thirsty for death and blood, but still following commands. They chose me because I was… different. An orphan who liked to blow shit up and gave a void response to any kind of interaction.” The blank expression on his face scares me. It feels like Raph has turned into someone else. Someone almost heartless. He’s gone stiff beside me, his eyes glazed and distant.
“They branded me with my project number.” He looks at the red burn on his wrist.
They marked him like an animal. I cringed when I saw the horse documentary, hating the outdated methods they still use. But now hearing the same was done to a kid? An overwhelming rush of anger boils through me. They tortured him, exposed him to unimaginable experiences so they could turn him into an unfeeling weapon. Now I understand his odd behavior.
A hole full of deep sorrow forms in my chest. I feel a tear running down my cheek. Raph stops its path with the pad of his thumb.
“It was a long time ago.” I’d believe him if it wasn’t for his eyes. I can see the shadows in them, even in the dim room. But I decide not to call him out on it. Instead, I lower my face until my lips brush against the number on his wrist. I place a butterfly kiss there.
I know it won’t change the events that led to the painful act, but it’s the only way I can try to express the chaos of emotions I’m feeling toward him now. Words are heavy, stuck inside my tightening throat, and I can’t utter a single one. I feel his body going still under my lips before he wraps his arms around me, lifting me effortlessly to cradle me in his lap. I still get surprised by his nearly unnatural strength.
“I was found by two incredible women. We all were.”
“All?” I’m able to say.
He opens his palm and I see the long scar marking the skin. I felt the rough edges when he rubbed his hands on me, but I was too taken by my desire to remember it afterward.
“It wasn’t only me. There were other kids.”
“Oh god,” I breathe out, feeling dread crawl under my skin. I push closer to his chest, trying to give him some of my warmth. Right now, I can’t think of another way to comfort him. I want him to know that I'm here.
“This cut is a reminder of the promise we made to protect each other. No matter what.” He traces the long scar absentmindedly, giving me the impression that he’s done it many times before, and then keeps going, “My mothers took care of us. They started another experiment on the scientists’ failed experiment.”
“What the fuck?” I swear, feeling outraged for them. Didn't they go through enough?
He kisses me lightly on the lips. A small, teasing smile tilting them. “Calm down, feral piglet. It was understandable, after what we went through. They needed to be sure we were capable of living straight lives. They couldn’t just let us go into the world.”
That makes sense, but still, I don’t like the idea of Raph being the subject of another experiment.
“They kept us in a group home in the beginning, to give us time to get used to a different way of living. They adopted only me and Sari, since we were the only ones with no parents, and fostered the others. At some point, I guess we just became a family group. It worked. We work.” He shrugs, as if what he just told me isn’t that momentous. When in reality, it fucking is. And the fact that he trusts me with it… it’s blowing my mind.
“You’re a public figure. How did the press never find out about it?” I ask, stroking his chest in slow circles.
“It was an unauthorized military experimental project on kids. The government buried everything. And as soon as Rami got good at what he does, he erased everything.”
I run my fingers through the longer hair on top of his head, loving the way his eyes close in delight. The usually styled locks are currently flipping over every which way. He looks disheveled, and so damn sexy. I kiss him passionately, trying to express again without words all the wonder and reverence he generates inside me for still turning into a wonderful person after what he endured.
But I know it’s not enough. Not for me. I push back, catch his face between my hands, and, looking straight into his eyes, I say, “You’re fucking amazing, you know that?” Not Shakespeare, but I still make my point.
His gaze stays on me for a while, a glint of emotion making his eyes sparkle. Shadows, pushed away by the light. And then he slants his lips on mine. Desire explodes between us again and I let it flood me. I let Raph surround me.
