Page 17 of The Secret Experimentation
“I…I’ve never liked a guy before.” I scrub my face, my hand curls loosely around my neck. I can feel my pulse running a marathon under my fingers.
“Wow, bro. Your house must be more spotless than usual,” my brother sneers.
“Scott!” I say his name like a warning. But he’s actually right. When I’m stressed I tide up. And my house is fucking Mr. Clean-clean right now.
“You can eat from the toilet bowl lid, can’t you?”
“Scott,” I repeat with frustration.
“Or you could sleep naked on the shiny deck floor.”
“Scott…who the hell would do that?” I ask, disgusted.
“An exhausted guy after a fuck marathon?” he says like that’s a normal experience everybody has.
“I’m fucking freaking out here!” I slap the wall and turn a glare his way. “I’m forty-four!”
“And I’m forty-two. What’s your point?” His calm attitude infuriates me.
“I’m attracted to men. Is that possible? Can I turn bi at forty-four?”
“Who says you’re bi? You could be pan or demi. Why do you fucking care about a label?”
Why do I indeed? “It’s easy for you to say. You’ve known you were gay since…always.”
“Because dicks are clearly more alluring. Although I can almost see the appeal with boobs.”
“For fuck’s sake!” I swear, exasperated.Not the tits speculation again.
He raises both palms up in a calming gesture. “Fuck! Okay. I can see how shocked you are to discover such a new part of yourself. But sexuality is like…a rolling marble.”
“A marble?” My voice is laced with incredulity.
“A rolling marble…just fucking listen! For some the marble rolls more than others. It can roll on both sides. Or get stuck on one. For some people the side doesn’t even matter. I think one’s marble can roll anytime in life, you just need to be open to it and follow it.”
“I should follow the marble,” I say very slowly, only to fuck with him. But his words do make sense.
“You’re such a dickhead, while I’m popping out poetry” He sighs. “Just answer this, thisweirdattraction toward Mel, does it feel wrong?”
“No,” I reply without even thinking about it.
“Then you need to get your huge head out of your ass, and your cock near this Mel guy. Is he hot?”
The memory of Mel’s naked body sends a tingle straight to my dick. Fuck, I’m such a bastard. He was hurt and vulnerable, I shouldn’t get hard thinking about that night. And wow, how has my brain gone from freak-out town to dick-leaking city so fast?
“I’ll take that idiotic expression as a yes. Explore your desires. Test the unknown waters. And if you don’t like it, you can just go back to boobs and pu…” he gags on the word.
“How can people be scared of you?” I shake my head at his antics. He shows such a different side of himself to the rest of the world. A very reticent, intimidating one.
“Because I’m a scary motherfucker.” He pushes out his chest looking damn ridiculous.
“I should have gone to Cole,” I mutter.
“If you wanted a heart-to-heart talk with tea and tiny biscuits stuffed with lots of understanding, you should have,” he says, using a very creepy sugar-sweet voice. “But instead, you came to your cool, ball-buster brother. Because you already knew what you wanted. You just needed to hear it with your own freakishly big ears.”
“I’d have liked to hear less crass words,” I huff, crossing my arms. I hate when he’s right.
“Tell that to our foulmouthed parents,” he retorts. Yes, they are. We all are in our family.
