Page 10 of Haunt Improvement
I sighed and clutched one of the cream sofa pillows to my chest.Sure, it was comforting.But it also kept Professor Horny Hops from ogling my engorged breasts.
“My parents got divorced,” I said, sounding like an angsty teenager dwelling over a broken home.“And my father is thinking about putting me back in the West family will,” I added before he could offer any unnecessary condolences.“And now Glinda wants me to invite her terror of a sister to my baby shower, thinking it will give her a foot in the door with the estranged fam, too.”
“I know,” Roger admitted with a sheepish smile.“Glinda told me when I called to check on her this morning.By the way, she mentioned you have my wicker ride?”
“Yeah.”I crinkled my nose, trying not to think about all the ways they likely used the basket to get their jollies.“It’s at the house.I hadn’t planned on seeing you again until our usual session.”
“I’ll just hop by later tonight and grab that before my dinner date with your cousin.”
“Super.”I pressed the pillow up over my face and groaned as the rain outside momentarily turned into sleet.“Is Glinda going to hate me forever if I don’t invite her sister to the baby shower?”
“It’s a possibility,” Roger acknowledged, his nose twitching thoughtfully.“But you also have to ask, will you hate—or resent—your cousin for pressuring you into this?Either option runs the risk of damaging your relationship, but I believe only one offers a sincere chance of preserving,nay, strengthening your bond.”
I squinted at him.“How do I know you’re not just saying this to earn kinky brownie points with Glinda?”
“I would never.”He pressed a hand over his heart in hurt offense.“I’m a professional, Mrs.Hernández.And I have all the kinky brownie points I need inside that wicker basket.”
“My apologies.”I ignored the basket remark, lest I gagged and insulted him again.“She told you what her sister did to me, right?Tous?”
“I assume you’re referring to the acne?”Roger said.I bit my tongue, squashing the temptation to tell him about Glinda’s whiskery woes.“We all have growing pains,” Roger continued.“I dealt with explosive diarrhea as a kit.”
I squeezed my eyes shut and shook my head, trying to keep the images out of my head.“I don’t think this is helping.”
“Not enough fiber,” he explained, as if I’d asked.Thankfully, a roll of thunder stopped him from divulging any more details.“All to say,” he concluded in a higher octave, “if I can forgive my mother for her less-than-adequate nurturing, surely you can find it in your heart to give Emmy a chance to apologize and prove she’s grown as well?”
“Or a chance to hex my unborn child,” I countered, squeezing the pillow tighter as the wittle witch kicked me in the ribs.
“Won’t Zelda be in attendance?”Roger rapped his knuckles on the desk.“Your daughter will have Shifter blood too, so Zelda will surely undo any potential ill intent.And if Emmy has become, shall we say,lesswicked, wouldn’t it be nice to mend another familial bond, like you’ve done with Glinda?What a healthy example it would set for your daughter.”
A spattering of hail pelted his window, and his face flushed sheepishly at the unspoken accusation.
“You sure about those brownie points, doc?”I asked, annoyed that he was aggravating rather than alleviating my stormy condition.“I think maybe you’re too invested in this to see the garden for the carrots.”
“I admit, inviting your cousin to the baby shower would afford me certain opportunity to charm her—and by proxy, your cousin.But I most sincerely would not make the suggestion if I thought she meant you or your unborn batling any harm.”
As much as Roger annoyed me, I knew he was being honest.At least, about his intentions.But he didn’t know the West witches the way I did.His taste of wicked from Glinda was harmless weekend kink.For the rest of the family?It was a lifestyle.
Was it possible Emmy had outgrown her despicable ways?
Sure.
Was it likely?
About as likely as the Wizard starting a side hustle waxing brooms.
Roger stared expectantly, waiting for a conclusion.I didn’t have one.
“I need more time to think things over,” I said, noting the way his nose twitched despite his best effort to hide his disappointment.“I’ll obviously have to discuss this with Dylan first.”
“Of course, of course.”Roger cleared his throat and sat up straighter.“I’ll see you later about that basket, my dear.”
He seemed less enthused than before, leaving me to wonder if Glinda had promised something crude on the condition that he convinced me to do her bidding.My skin crawled at the idea, but I pushed it away as I replaced the smooshed pillow on Roger’s sofa and hurried out of his office.
It was still sprinkling outside, but it wouldn’t be for much longer.Unresolved as I was about inviting Emmy, talking to Roger had at least zapped some of my safety concerns.
He was right.Zelda would be at the baby shower.
And if Emmy so much as breathed the wrong way, she’d be Baba Yaga-ed to the ends of the earth.That thought alone put a little skip in my step.The clouds apart, and golden sunshine dappled the sidewalk ahead of me, leading the way home.
