Page 4 of Haunt Improvement
“Lucky, right.”I shuddered to think how haywire my magic would have been with two munchkins baking in my cauldron.The therapy sessions with Roger had definitely helped, but many of the Shifters in Assjacket were still raw about my first trimester disaster.The town was still recovering—and dealing with some unusual weather.I was just glad to see more rainbows than rain.
“Don’t worry, sweetie.”Janice patted my hand, misreading the horror in my expression.“Even if you do have a cow in there, I bet one of those epidurals will make it feel as effortless as digging through peat moss.”
“There’s no cow,” I insisted.
Janice’s gaze dropped to my stomach, and her brow furrowed.“Are you sure?”
I gritted my teeth, but before I could callhera cow, DeeDee cut in.“A cow is no excuse for an epidural.”She snorted, clearly offended by the mere mention of modern medicine in her homeopathic bubble.“Natural birth is always best.Even with cows—which aren’t much different from fawns.If it gets stuck, all you have to do is stand up and let gravity take care of the rest.”
Dylan’s eyes bulged.“And let it fall on its head?”
“There’s no damn cow!”I shrieked, cuing a crash of thunder.
“Of course not,” DeeDee squeaked.Her eyes had dilated, and her nose twitched as if she were scenting a predator and plotting a speedy departure.“Well, I think that’s enough for today.”
We had ten minutes left, but Janice and Trevor looked ready to burrow to China.They gathered their things and scrambled for the exit.
“See you next week!”Trevor shot over his shoulder before ushering his wife out to the parking lot.I noticed a light sprinkle before the door closed behind them.
Dylan sighed.“I don’t think we’ll be seeing them at the party tonight.”
I crinkled my nose at him.“If you want to seeanyoneat this party, maybe don’t bring up cows again until the bat’s out of the cauldron and I have better control over my powers.”
“Fair enough,cariño.”
* * *
THE RAIN STOPPED BEFOREwe made it home, and I winked away the lingering clouds so the evening sun could dry up the backyard.The string lights on the swanky gazebo that Zelda and Mac had gifted us—after my newfound weather magic had toasted the old gazebo—twinkled to life as Dylan and his cousin Nathan finished setting up the party tables.
A dozen hanging lanterns filled with my cousin Glinda’s electric lime green magic lined the gutters, and orange eyes glowed from the many jack-o-lanterns Asher and I had carved to distract ourselves from cookie cravings.There were more string lights on the pawpaw trees and the privacy fence, too.Fat white roses drooped over the back stretch of fence behind the gazebo, softly glowing in the party lights.
The magically-enhanced hedge had been a wedding gift from my cousin’s warlock date, who also happened to be my ex, Frank Stormcrow.He’d grown it around the old cemetery at the back of our property that hadn’t been in use since our home’s church days over a hundred years ago.Well, it hadn’t been usedproperlysince then, anyway.
I’d busted Randall, a dirty dog Shifter real estate developer, digging up bones back there.He’d also recruited my cousin Glinda—before she’d given up her wicked ways—to rally the ghosts into harassing the Shifters of Assjacket.He blamed the strange phenomenon on me, of course, in an attempt to take possession of the Hernández house so he could bulldoze it and build condos.Or possibly a Target.
Glinda and I had laid the wandering spirits to rest, and Frank’s thorny rose hedge would make sure no one woke them again.Of course, my batty beau was not thrilled by the massive, infringing bouquet reaching into our sacred space.It was a nagging reminder of the man my mother would have preferred I’d married.She’d said as much out loud.At our rehearsal brunch, no less.
“I just trimmed those yesterday,” Dylan grumbled, coming to a stop beside the table I was busy winking full of sweets and decorations.I paused to bat my lashes at the fence, and a trio of signs appeared, evenly spaced along the boards.Asher’s adorably uneven handwriting welcomed guests to partake.
Trick or treat, have an eat!
They’re fresh and white, take a bite!
There’s a bunch, so munch, munch, munch!
There were plenty of Shifters who enjoyed floral snacks, including my deer Shifter doula who had helped herself to the mums out front during my open house.I’d already caught Roger nibbling on the roses once or twice.Though I had a feeling that was only so he could get a better view into our yard.Roger was a good therapist, but we didn’t call him Porno Cottontail for nothing.
“Maybe we should install a taller fence,” Dylan suggested, still frowning at the roses.“Just along the backside.”
“Or I could have Glinda call Fr—”
“No.Nope.Not happening.”Dylan shook his head, and his raven sweep of hair dropped over his eyes.
“Okay, okay.”I gave him a tight smile and a peck on the cheek before turning my lashes back to the tables.Cookies, candied apples, brownie bites, soft pretzels with cheese dip, cider...I wanted it all in my belly.Now.
There was a sharp poke of agreement near my bellybutton.
This party couldn’t start soon enough.
