Page 29 of The Shadow Fae Rhapsody
I gather the little remains of my sanity and return to the keep. Her watchful guardian glimpses my arrival. Tall One takes his leave without words, his hard face yields nothing.
Silence coats the night as I enter the room. Her lights are out and the room is far too cold. The air smells faintly of water lilies and I inhale deeply.
My sweet Nel is lying on the bed in her white nightgown with her silver hair splayed across the vermillion sheet. She’s so small and fragile, the kind of creature you delight hunting in the forest.
Little fawn’s soft features appear relaxed with her eyes closed, almost at peace.
The dreaded moment has come. What started as a beautiful day with the promise of spending time with her, ended with Rhianelle realizing she’s been living with a monster.
I never hid who I am.
It never even occurred to me to help the elves by hunting the creature in the sewers. I expect a wave of shame to wash over me, but nothing comes. The innocent lives lost don’t matter to me the slightest bit.
The truth is, I don’t fucking care.
Save the people? Save the city? I was ready to raze it to the fucking ground just so Nel and I can be together.
It makes me realized how worlds apart I am from the girl sleeping on the bed, trying her best to stop an inevitable war. Her last words at the town square rattle me.
“If you have the power to help, then why didn’t you use it to save those people?”
Her question is like a punch to the gut. It makes me realize the unrealistic expectations she has from me. Some part of Rhianelle believes that I am good.
I don’t know what kind of pretty pictures of me she has painted in her mind.
A warrior? A holy knight?
She deserves all that. Someone good and kind. Too fucking bad I’m not it.
But the most fucked up thing about this whole thing is that, had she asked me to be good, I would have done it for her.
Yes.
She makes me want to be that person. The kind of person who deserves her.
What is happening to me?
How did I let it get this far? The girl is threatening the very foundation of my being, unraveling me slowly. She keepspeeling all these layers from me and now she has seen what lies underneath.
I’m nothing but a monster.
The hollow corner of my heart ache as I stare at her sleeping form. We’re so close and yet I feel so far away from her. Rhianelle is as unattainable as the sun itself.
There is no nightmare haunting her tonight, no reason for me to creep into her bed. I should leave her alone.
Fuck it.
I slide onto the bed and pull her into my arms. She almost died today. I can’t imagine a world without her in it.
There will no longer be any stroll in the park, no more chases, no more late night reading, no more stolen glances.
What a dull, sad world without her in it. I might as well just burn the whole fucking thing to the ground.
“I’ll never let anything hurt you,” I vow to her ear, kissing it.
“You’re the only thing that matters to me.” I drop another kiss to her temple. “My everything. I can’t lose you, Nel.”
She’s the only reason I stayed in this atrocious world. I slowly let go of my anger and my fear. Nel is safe. That’s all that matters.
