Page 15 of Revelry
“At least no one was around to see your moment of shining brilliance,” he said, but when I didn’t respond or laugh, he paused. “Wait. You were alone, right?”
“Well, at first. But then I screamed bloody murder at the strand of moss attacking me in the hot tub and one of the neighbors ran over.”
“Oh my God,” he snickered.
“It was a guy, too.”
“Of course.”
“Did I mention I was naked?”
“OH MY GOD!”
We both laughed hysterically, Rev jumping at the noise and scampering off down the stairs. I wiped at a tear, not even caring that every new laugh made my head throb. “Ugh, I miss you.”
“Miss you, too, sunshine,” he said, his voice a soothing connection to home. “You sure you’re doing okay out there?”
I paused, gripping the handle on my coffee cup a little tighter as I looked out over the river. The sun was slowly creeping its way up the mountains, warming the morning air and bringing in a promising summer day. And even though I had nothing figured out, even though I was alone, I answered his question with what I thought was the truth.
“I am.”
“Good. Well, let me know when you want company. You’re only an hour away and you know I’d pay just about anything for ten minutes of peace and quiet right now,” he said. As if on cue, Naomi’s cries broke through the speaker on my phone. “And on that note, I have to run. Love you, baby girl.”
“Love you, too. Tell Oscar I said hi and give my niece kisses. And please call me if you and the team need anything. Seriously.”
“I will, I promise. Try not to think about us right now. I’ve got everything here covered, okay?”
“Okay,” I conceded, and I knew I could trust him, even if guilt swirled low in my stomach at the fact that I wasn’t there to help.
I ended the call, and once again I was surrounded by quiet. The river rushed softly, and I watched a small blue warbler jump from branch to branch as I finished my coffee, Adrian’s question still ringing in my head.
Am I okay out here?
I wanted to be, I felt likeeventuallyI would be. It had only been a few days, but I already felt the pressure on my chest receding.
Anxiety hadn’t really been a part of my life until I decided to leave Keith. Of course, it was nothing compared to how I ‘d felt in the last few weeks I’d stayed. I think I knew in my heart that I was ready to go, that I couldn’t stay any longer.
Every day that I’d gone home to him with that knowledge in my soul, I felt sick.
I’d stopped eating, stopped sleeping, until the very moment I spoke the words that marked the end. I’d cried,he’dcried, and though my heart broke more every minute as I packed a bag for Adrian’s, it simultaneously sang as I drove away. It was as if it had been waiting for that moment, as if it were whispering,“Thank you for listening”after years of screaming so hard, it had lost its voice.
I ate two full plates of dinner that first night at Adrian’s—dessert, too. And then I slept eleven hours straight.
Funny, isn’t it, how often we fight what our hearts try to tell us. We argue with logic, digging our heels in, sure we know what’s best.This is right,we say,This is what I’m supposed to do.We stamp down the loudest voice, the one inside us, choosing to listen to the flurry of thosearoundus, instead. But it’s not until that moment we truly listen and obey the very thing that pumps blood into our veins that we really find peace.
After that, I’d stayed in a hotel for a week until Keith had urged me to go back home. He said he would stay with his parents so I could have the house. But it was a trap—he would show up unannounced, always looking for an explanation even though we’d talked it to death. We made it through the holidays, but by the time January came and the papers were signed, I knew I couldn’t stay in that house any longer. Neither could Keith.
So we sold it, and I moved in with Adrian.
I hadn’t seen Keith since.
I took my time finishing my cinnamon roll and coffee, rinsing my mug afterward and laying it on the dish rack to dry. When I opened the top cabinet to put my dishes from yesterday away, the door swung off the bottom hinge, making me shriek as it dangled by the top one. I blew out a breath through flat lips as my heartbeat settled.
This place needed work.
I knew I should try to sketch, but before I even pulled out my sketchbook I knew I still wasn’t ready. I should have sat down and tried, but it wasn’t like I was crunching numbers or editing a paper. I needed to design a whole new line, and I felt the weight of those waiting for it. It didn’t matter that they were in the city and I was here. The pressure was there, and for the first time since I’d started designing at fifteen, I didn’t have a single ounce of inspiration.
Checking the time on my phone, I sighed at how early the day was and how aimless I felt. But outside, the sun was rising higher, the air warming, and I chuckled when I saw Rev sunbathing on the front porch.
