Page 51 of Radakk's Mate
At first, I’d tried to convince myself that I was happy to have my own room, happy that he didn’t want me sleeping next to him. But as the days passed, I couldn’t ignore the sadness I would experience each time he dismissed me for the night. Sadness, rejection, and loneliness.
I suppress a sigh.
What am I doing? Why am I so eager for Emperor Radakk’s attention?
I swallow hard and try to remind myself of all the reasons I shouldn’t want him. All the reasons I should build a wall around my heart. All the reasons I need to work on my escape plan.
Three moon cycles. No matter how much I try to reason with him, he keeps insisting I’m to remain in his quarters for three full moon cycles. Long enough for me to become drenched in his seed.
He fills me with his seed every day, spurting into my pussy at least twice, once with each of his shafts. Well, except for tonight, but only because he’d spent his upper shaft in my bottom hole.
As he leans over and presses a button to make the water drain, I place a hand on my stomach, wondering if it’s already too late. He turns back to me and notices where my hand is resting. A faraway look enters his eyes, then he gives his head a shake and places his hand atop mine.
“I pray to the Star Gods every day, Thalia, asking them to bless our mating union with a male child.”
My throat burns. An heir. Once again, I’m reminded how badly he needs an heir. I’m also reminded of the part he expects me to play—he means to breed me. “What if it’s a girl?”
He frowns. “Then we will try again.”
I fight the urge to scoff. “If we had a girl first, how would you treat her? Would you resent her for not being a male?”
His eyes narrow and a look of concentration falls over him, and I realize he hasn’t put much thought into how he might handle a girl.
“A girl child would be cherished and celebrated,” he finally says, taking me aback. “However, we would still keep trying for a male child.” He cups my face. “Even if our first child is a male, we will keep trying for more. As many as we can safely have. My people once numbered in the millions. There are only ten thousand of us left, most of us males. It’s important for every Darrvason-human mating union to be as fruitful as possible.”
As many as we can safely have.Disbelief whisks through me. He really wants me to pop out baby after baby. I never planned to have one child, let alone a whole brood of them.
I want to be angry with Emperor Radakk. I want to scream that I don’t want to have his children. I want to cry about how it’s not fair and I never asked for this. But I can’t stop myself from picturing what we might look like as a family. I see a few half-human, half-Darrvason children in my mind, running about a palace, laughing and wreaking havoc. I also envision myself holding a little baby girl in my arms, and for a reason I can’t fathom, I’m no longer as averse to having children as I once was.
The emperor’s purple eyes fill with wistfulness. “I can see it now,” he says. “You holding a baby girl in your arms, cooing to her softly, as our older children run around our new palace on 58-Z.”
My stomach flips. Holy hell. How can he be having the same exact vision as me? A palace. In addition to the baby girl and the multiple older children, I’d pictured a palace too.
The dreams. I haven’t thought of the dreams in a while because I haven’t had any sexy dreams about Emperor Radakk since becoming his mate. But during my first day on theHaxxal, he’d made a passing comment about how he’d dreamed of me every night.
I want to ask him about the heartbond, about what it feels like and how long it takes to develop. But my mouth goes dry as nerves swarm me. I’m partly worried that if I mention the heartbond, I’ll call it to us and cause the bond to snap in place.
I don’t want that. I don’t want such permanence between the emperor and me. I don’t want forever.
So, I keep quiet. I don’t ask about his dreams, and I don’t admit we just shared the same vision. Maybe it’s only a coincidence. I cling to this possibility like it’s my lifeline away from the Darrvason Empire, my ticket to freedom.
The emperor helps me to my feet, and he turns on the shower again to rinse the soap suds off us. My face heats as I watch him moving his hands over his muscular body as he makes a slow circle underneath the spray of water. God, he’s so handsome. When his back is turned to me, I take the opportunity to stare at his perfect, firm buttocks.
Once we’re both finished, he turns the water off, sets me onto a large, absorbent rug, and wraps a towel around me. He grabs a towel for himself and quickly dries off. As I work the towel over my arms and legs, I find myself focusing on the night to come.
We’re going to sleep next to one another, and before we go to sleep, he plans tonourish me.
My breath hitches, and my heart contracts with warmth.
After we finish drying off, he tosses the towels on a drying rack. Heat flares in his eyes as he turns me to face him. He laces his fingers through mine, clasping my right hand.
“Come, little empress.” He leads me into his bedroom. “It’s time for your daily feeding session.”
Chapter33
RADAKK
I standon the bridge of theHaxxal, staring at the fleet comm, as Admiral Tornn, Captain Varll, and most of my advisors stand around me. A technical officer is busy configuring the comm, ensuring there’s a secure connection to the other ships in our fleet. Impatience gnaws at me, and I find myself fighting the urge to bark at him and order another technical officer to take his place.
