Page 1 of A Daddy for Hanna
CHAPTER1
Hanna held up a small,faded mirror to inspect her appearance. A pair of haunted but determined blue eyes stared back. A hint of golden hair peeked from beneath her black kapp, and her cheeks looked paler than usual, almost sickly.
Apprehension twisted her stomach, but her pulse raced with determination.
She placed the mirror down and glanced around her small room, making certain all the belongings she wished to take had already been gathered.
A quick getaway was necessary. A bag containing her few treasures waited between two rocks in the cornfield. She’d placed it there two days prior.
The aroma of baking bread and the light clatter of dishes greeted her as she tiptoed down the steps, careful not to wake her youngest nieces and nephews who were still asleep. Her sister-in-law, Sarah, was always the first one awake. Normally Hanna would take a place beside her to get breakfast started. Today wasn’t a normal day though.
She paused at the bottom of the steps and closed her eyes, imagining what her life would be like if she stayed. Emptiness consumed her, giving her the resolve to keep moving and not back down from the difficult decision she’d already made.
The expectations that rested on her shoulders were a burden she refused to bear. The life she faced if she stayed in his house, and in this community, was a blackness enveloping her soul and her very will to live.
Change was the only cure.
The only way to change was to leave.
She’d known this her whole life, even as a small child.
She approached the kitchen and lingered in the doorway. “Sarah?”
“Good morning, Hanna. Help me with these pie crusts. The babies will be awake soon. I have eggs and oatmeal ready.” Sarah glanced over her shoulder, a fatigued but content look on her face. She truly belonged here. She fit in and Hanna doubted she’d ever questioned her place here.
“I’m leaving, Sarah.”
“What?” Sarah turned to give her a sharp, disapproving scowl.
“I’m not going to join the church. I’m certain of it, and now I know I must leave.”
“Where will you go?”
Hanna debated telling Sarah of her plan but quickly decided against it. No one would follow her or try to bring her back, but it still seemed best to keep it a secret. “I’ll be fine. Trust me. I have a place to go and know someone who will help me find Eli.”
The color drained from Sarah’s face. “How dare you speak his name?” She turned to focus on the pie crust, dusting it with flour before rolling it out with angry movements.
Until now, Hanna had only whispered her oldest brother, Eli’s, name in secret, tucked under her covers at night. Even when she visited the English neighbor, Ben Foster, who allowed her to send Eli letters from his address, she’d never uttered his name as loud as she had just now.
It felt right. Liberating.
Hanna’s gaze traveled around the plain house. The walls threatened to close in. It was a heavy feeling that never left her, a suffocating tightness in her chest that sometimes clouded her vision, one that had started not long after her mother’s passing when Hanna was but five years old.
The truth was, nothing about being Amish felt right.
Deep down, she’d always known she hadn’t belonged. Not really.
She’d always felt like an outsider among her own people.
The few interactions she’d had with the English energized her and made her long for a different life. A life far away from these Pennsylvania mountains.
Eli lived in Oregon, and she hoped beyond hope to see his face again.
Hanna straightened and stared at her sister-in-law’s back. “Good-bye, Sarah. I told the babies good-bye last night when I tucked them in.”
Sarah continued rolling out the dough with her back to Hanna. At least she had tried to leave on good terms, though there was really no such thing. Not in this family.
Joining the church was supposed to be a highly personal decision, one that others in her community were meant to respect. But her father didn’t see it that way. If she didn’t join the church, she would be considered dead to him. Even worse than dead. Erased from existence. He would act as though she’d been forever banished for committing some terrible sin, and Sarah would live the rest of her life never speaking Hanna’s name, as would the rest of the family.
