Page 86 of The Duke's Spinster Bride
Charlotte sat beside her, Benedict in her arms, her brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”
“He told me I would never be happy, that I was cursed. He said I would never be a wife, much less a mother and I… I thought I did not want children.” Her throat tightened and she let out a gasp.
The memory of Frederick’s anger seared itself into her mind, leaving her shaking as she murmured, “I thought there was something wrong with me.”
“Because you did not want children?” Charlotte frowned.
“Yes. No. That is a part of it. I thought I did not want them because I would be no good at being a mother.”
“And why on Earth would you think that? You are one of the most caring and kind people I know, why do you think I would name you godmother to Benedict?” Charlotte shook her head in disbelief.
“But I have no idea what to do with children. Everyone else seems to just…” Andrea made a vague gesture with her hand and to her surprise Charlotte laughed.
“Oh, my darling Andrea, for someone so clever, you really can be a fool sometimes. A loveable fool, but a fool nonetheless.” Charlotte looked from Benedict to Andrea. “No one simply understands how to do this. Goodness, you should have seen me the first time I tried to change Benedict’s nappy! I spend my life worrying that I will drop him or break him. That is all part of being a parent.”
“But you seem so at ease when you are with him.” Andrea chewed on the inside of her cheek. “You seem utterly unbothered by everything.”
“That is kind, but you did not see me in the first few days after he was born. I was… Well, let us just say I was not fit to be seen by polite company.” Charlotte reached out and gave Andrea’s hand a little squeeze. “It is perfectly natural to feel a little bit lost. Every parent does.”
“But I killed my mother.” Andrea blurted, the truth bursting from her before she could stop it.
“You killed your mother?” Charlotte stiffened, eyes wide with confusion.
“She died giving birth to me. If it had not been for me, she might have lived.” Andrea turned away, unwilling to see the disgust in her friend’s eyes.
“Andrea,” Charlotte paused for a few seconds and then said, “that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. It is not your fault your mother died.”
“It is. There is something wrong with me Charlotte.” She clenched her hand into a ball in her lap.Defective.
“There is nothing wrong with you. And anyone who made you think there was, is a vile, awful person and quite frankly is not worth your time. Is that why you and the Duke fought? Did he tell you there was something wrong with you?” Charlotte stood, her eyes dark with anger. “Because if he did, I will make him regret it.”
“He did not.” Andrea pulled her back down, careful not to disrupt Benedict too much. “It was my fault that we fought. He made a joke about children and I… I panicked. I told him I did not want children but… But I do.”
I was just afraid.She swallowed and shook her head. Charlotte squeezed her shoulder. “Then why not tell him that?”
“He said us being together was a mistake.” Andrea shook. “He was so angry, so hurt. I… We…. I do not think there is any going back for us.”
“You never know. I thought that about Dominic and me, but I was wrong.” Charlotte nodded at Benedict meaningfully.
“We are not you and Dominic.” Andrea could not keep the sadness from her voice. “Perhaps if I had not let my father get so into my head…”
“Honestly, after hearing about the way he treated you, it seems a pity the man is not really dying.” Charlotte reddened slightly at her words. “I know I should not say such things but if I ever see that man again, I will slap him so hard he will wish his mother never laid eyes on his father.”
Andrea let out a laugh. “I would not waste your breath. I do not intend on ever allowing him near me again.”
“Good.” Charlotte nodded with satisfaction, putting an arm around Andrea and pulling her close. “No matter what happens with you and the Duke, you will always be family to me.”
“Thank you.” Andrea leaned against her, inhaling the comforting smell of her godson. The ache in her chest deepened, an image of a baby with dark blue eyes threatened to burst into her mind.
That future is gone.
She closed her eyes, trying not to feel like her last chance at happiness had vanished. After all, she had never planned on having a husband. Surely in time, the pain would fade.
Won’t it?
ChapterThirty
“What are you doing here?” Frederick blinked blearily up at his grandmother as strode into his study.
