Page 85 of The Duke's Spinster Bride
Footsteps behind them caught Andrea’s attention and she turned to find the nanny hurrying towards them, Baby Benedict clutched in her arms. Her chest twisted at the sight of her godson.
This will be good practice.She froze in place as she remembered Frederick’s words. The way he had laughed and teased her. Her heart ached.How did it go so wrong?
Benedict let out a burble as he spotted his mother, and Charlotte hefted him into her arms, making little cooing noises at him as she rubbed her face against his head. “Hello, little one, have you woken from your nap?”
Andrea watched as Benedict blinked happily at his mother. The nanny curtseyed and departed. Andrea swallowed around the lump in her throat, and took a step towards her godson without thinking.
“Charlotte! There you are!” Dominic appeared, looking harried. “There is a courier at the door and I cannot for the life of me work out what he is saying. I am fairly certain he is speaking French or something like that, though I have no idea why or what he is doing.”
Charlotte sighed and looked at her husband, and Andrea saw the look of warmth that passed between them. Jealousy stirred within her, but it could not quite break through the numbness that surrounded her body.
“I suppose I had better help you with this.” Charlotte turned to Andrea, and made to hand her Benedict. “Would you hold him a moment while we sort this out?”
“Me?”
Charlotte nodded. “Yes. It will be too distracting to have Benedict in my arms while I try to understand whatever it is this man is saying.”
“But surely Dominic could-” Andrea began but trailed off when she looked down at the baby in Charlotte’s arms.
Benedict smiled up at her. Andrea found herself sighing and holding her hands to take the small bundle. Charlotte guided him into her arms, gently adjusting things so that Andrea could more easily support his head.
She swallowed as she looked down at Benedict. “What if he cries?”
“Then jiggle him about. Or swing gently from side to side. I doubt this will take too long.” Charlotte gave her an encouraging smile before she left, following Dominic back towards the castle.
Andrea peered down at her godson. She half expected him to start to cry immediately, but to her surprise he simply continued to smile up at her, chirping and burbling.
“Hello,” Andrea murmured, smiling back at him.
He blinked up at her and she laughed softly. He started to wriggle and she adjusted him, thinking back to all the times she had seen Charlotte do the same.
As she did, she breathed in, and every part of her relaxed. He smelled like a fresh summer’s day.Is this what people mean when they say they love the smell of a baby’s head?
She held a finger towards him. He grabbed it, chubby fingers clasping around it as he burbled with delight. “You are surprisingly strong for such a little thing.”
She glanced upwards to see if there was any sign of Charlotte, and then turned back to Benedict. “I can see why your mother loves you so much. You are rather sweet. I feel like I have not been a terribly good godmother, but… But I… I mean to change that.”
Her voice broke around the lump in her throat, and she felt tears prick at the corner of her eyes. Hastily, she rolled her shoulder to wipe them away, not wanting to drip on her godson.
His face crumpled and he let out a whimper. “Shhh… Shhh… Little one, it will be okay. You are safe.”
Benedict whimpered again and Andrea started to swing him slowly from side to side, jostling him up and down slightly as she did. A memory of coming down to breakfast to find Frederick singing himself a silly little song about toast and jam floated to the forefront of her mind.
“Toast and jam. Toast and jam.” Andrea sung. “I love my toast and jam.”
To her amazement, Benedict stopped sniffling. He looked up at her with big eyes. “Jam and toast. Toast and jam. Everything is better with toast and jam.”
Benedict’s face split into a smile as Andrea continued to sing. She beamed back at him. A fierce ache spread across her chest, and for a moment, she thought it would break her in two. She swallowed, and focused on the baby in her arms.
I did it.He grinned at her, motioning with his little hands towards her. She let him hold her finger again, fresh tears filling her eyes.
“You must think I am totally mad. Standing here, singing at you.” She laughed weakly, trying to wipe the tears from her eyes again, and he smiled back at her. “I think I have ruined everything, little godson.”
Tears formed in her eyes, but she kept smiling. She did not want to upset Benedict again. She swallowed, trying to rid herself of the lump forming in her throat.
“Andrea? Andrea?” Charlotte’s voice broke through her as she took the baby from Andrea’s arms. “What is wrong?”
“My father was right.” Hot tears streaked down her cheeks as she slumped onto a nearby bench.
