Page 62 of The Duke's Spinster Bride
“Because it is what we agreed.” Andrea looked at the paper in her hands, reading the words she was supposed to say to him. “This agreement will pave the way for us to live in separate houses.”
Cecily frowned at her. “And is it still what you want?”
“It is what he wants.” Andrea gestured around them, her voice cracking with emotion as she remembered how Frederick had determined Frederick had been to get her to London.He does not want me. She bit her lip. Defective.“It was practically the first thing he asked the physician when we were told I would need to rest. He wanted to know if I would be able to travel to London.”
Cecily tapped her foot on the ground, her lips pursed. “Perhaps he only wanted to know if it was safe for you? Have you tried to talk to him about it?”
Andrea shook her head, her chest squeezing at the thought.I am not sure I could bear to hear him tell me he did not want me.“Why bother asking if he did not still intend on going through with the plan? If he had changed his mind… If he had changed his mind, he would have told me.”
“Perhaps he is only going along with this because he thinks it is what you want.” Cecily’s eyes gleamed with hope but Andrea could not let it be.
She moved away from her friend, wrapping her arms around herself. “Maybe. But I doubt it. Besides, this will be the best for him.”
“Why?” Cecily’s brow furrowed, her lips forming a thin line.
Because I do not deserve him.Andrea bit back the words. “He never wanted to be married. This way, he can go back to his life and live it as he wishes.”
“But-” Cecily began but Andrea silenced her with a hand. “- there is no but, Cecily. This is the plan, it has always been the plan.”
She waved the letter in front of her friend. “I just need you to help me make this fight convincing. You know I am no good at understanding social situations and I… I do not want to say something that might hurt him or…”
She trailed off as the lump in her throat made it impossible to speak.
Cecily gripped her hand. “Andrea, please, listen to yourself. You sound utterly miserable and whenever you talk about this ‘plan’ your voice breaks. All you can think about is not hurting him – I do not think I have ever seen you like this before. Clearly you care for him.”
“I do. That is why it must be this way. I have to set him free, Cecily.” Andrea shook her head. “This is the only way. I cannot go back on my word. It would not be fair to him, to force him to go along with my desires.”
“And are you so sure that is what you would be doing? Perhaps if you simply talked to him, he would be open to a real marriage as well.” Cecily insisted.
For a moment, Andrea let herself consider the possibility. There had been so many moments between them, such tenderness in the way he was with her.But would he want everything a real marriage entails?
She shook her head. “It would not work. Not in the long run. I want a real marriage but… But I… I am not sure we would want the same things. And I am not convinced he even wants one anyway.”
“And you are too scared to ask.” Cecily muttered darkly.
“Of course I am scared!” Andrea snapped. “I have spent my entire life on the outskirts of the ton. It is only through good fortune and luck that I have found myself friends like you and Charlotte. Some of us were not made for love, Cecily, and I… I accepted that a long time ago.”
Andrea sighed and looked at Cecily, guilt washing over her. “I am sorry. I should not have snapped, it… It was not fair. It is just… As much as I might wish for a real marriage, I simply cannot. Frederick is so caring and puts everyone else ahead of himself. It is time someone else did that for him.”
Andrea drew in a shaky breath, clenching a fist to her chest. “If I told him I wanted a real marriage, there is every chance he would agree just to make me happy. I cannot take that risk. It is not – it would not be fair to him.”
Cecily bit her lip, opening her mouth and closing it several times before eventually saying, “so you will be the one to sacrifice your happiness for his?”
She nodded. “If that is what it takes.”
“I still think this is a mistake, but I know you well enough to know when your mind is made up.” Cecily threw her hands into the air and let out a disgruntled sigh.
“It is.” Andrea swallowed. “Now help me make sure this speech is not too unkind.”
“Well I would start by taking out this part about him being a vapid fool.” Cecily crossed out a line from the text. “And perhaps this one as well.”
Over the next few hours, Cecily and Andrea worked on the speech. With each passing moment, she felt more and more like she was walking to the gallows. By the time they were done, it was time to get ready for the ball.
And then this will all be over.
ChapterTwenty
“You always do this.” Andrea’s voice drifted across the crowds as she narrowed her eyes.
