Page 82 of Duchess By Accident
“How can you say that when you do not trust me?” She shot back.
“I was afraid!” Adrian exclaimed, taking a step back from her and grabbing a fistful of his own hair in frustration. “I have seen what this kind of feeling can do, seen it destroy lives. I thought it made me weak, that it distracted me from what was important. I have tried and tried to push you away, to keep my heart safe, but you have stolen it.”
“What are you saying?” Natalie had a hand on her own chest.
“When I thought that Bolton might have hurt you, it was as though my whole world had come crashing down. I could scarcely breathe, could barely think. And that—was terrifying.” Cold dread filled him again, and he pushed it away.
Natalie yelled back at him. “You do not think I am scared? That the strength of whatever between us does not steal my breath away? I am petrified, Adrian.”
“Then let us be afraid together.” He took a step towards her.
Natalie held up her arms to ward him off. “How can you ask me that when you do not even trust me?”
“I want to trust you.” Adrian clenched his fists. “I do trust you. And I will prove it.”
He strode past her, ignoring how her eyes went wide. There was no one else in the hall. He closed his study doors and turned to face his wife.
“The reason I did not want your brother and Lady Isabelle to be together, is because I feared what she knew. What she might reveal to you about the late Duchess.” Adrian’s chest squeezed and alarm bells sounded in his head.
“Which was what, exactly?” Natalie looked at him with confusion and suspicion on her face.
“Ours was not a love match – it was a union arranged when we were still children by our parents. They wished to bind our families together. In the early days, I was not often at home, and was not a particularly attentive husband.” He turned away from her, not wanting to see the look on her face as he revealed what he had been hiding.I will not be pitied.“She sought comfort in the arms of another. And when her lover was killed in a duel, she took her own life.”
“How do you know all this?” Natalie asked, her voice soft.
“She left me a note, explaining everything.” Adrian could see the note in his mind, the words etched onto it. “I had suspected the infidelity of course, and I could hardly begrudge her it. But I will never forgive her. Melody had not even had her first birthday. She was the light of my life. And her mother was made so weak by love that she abandoned her.”
“It was not love but selfishness.” Natalie had venom in her words. “Does anyone else know?”
He turned to face her, to drink in the blazing rage on her face. “Some of the staff were aware of the affair, and I swore them to secrecy. I did not want Melody to live with the stain of her late mother’s reputation. I could not risk this secret getting out.”
“Why are you telling me this now?” Natalie asked.
“Because you deserve to know the truth. And I trust you to keep this secret.” Adrian met her gaze.
Some part of him felt relief at being able to share this with her at last. It was a part of the secret he had been keeping ever since he had found the note. It was as much as anyone else knew and as much as he could share.Let this be enough.
It has to be enough.The past can stay in the past.
“I do not want this to be between us. I want you to know that you can trust me.” Adrian pointed to his heart.
“I want to trust you. But I need to know that you will let me in. I do not want to be on the outside all the time.” She searched his face with her eyes.
He spread his arms wide and took a step towards her. “Consider this an open door.”
“Can I trust you with my heart?” She moved to him and placed one of his hands just beneath her collarbone, on the small slip of exposed skin.
He could feel her heart beating against his touch.
“I trust you with mine.” He placed her hand on his chest.
Her kiss took him by surprise. Her lips were soft against his, but there was an urgency that drove him to distraction. He wrapped his arms around her, drinking in the feel of her.
He lost himself in her, every moment of longing and need claiming him in that moment, and he surrendered to it. He could scarcely tell where she began, and he ended.
When they broke apart, they were both breathless. Adrian’s head swam.
“We will all leave London today.” Adrian kissed Natalie’s forehead, holding her to him.
