Page 48 of The Duke's Stubborn Wallflower
“Get out of my house.” Alexander gestured to the door. “Leave, and do not ever return.”
“Brother, no —” Olivia began, but Alexander spoke over her, fury colouring each of his words.
“If I ever see you again, I will kill you. If you ever even think of setting foot upon my lands, I will set the dogs upon you.” Alexander gestured again to the door. “Get out of my sight. Get out of my house. And stay away from my family.”
Nigel looked from Olivia to Alexander. He saw her confusion and hurt. He saw Alexander’s struggle. Nigel wanted to say something, anything to make everything right once more. Yet there was nothing he could say.
That he is letting me leave — there is still some affection between us.Nigel nodded to Alexander, turned away, and left. To do anything else, he knew, would shred the last remains of their friendship, and that was one wound he could not bear.
In one moment of idiocy, he had lost one of his oldest and dearest friends. He had almost ruined Olivia’s life.Again.
He was barely aware of where he was going until he collided with something soft and warm in the garden on his way to the carriage. His head spun, and he held out a hand to the figure he had knocked to the floor.
“Watch where you’re going.” Lord Briston dusted himself off, scowling up at Nigel.
Of course. Of course, I would run into him.Nigel scowled at him but said nothing, not trusting himself to speak.
“I thought I saw you disappear after the Lady Olivia.” Lord Briston’s lips quirked up into a smirk. “It would appear not everyone is as enamoured with your charms as you think.”
Nigel opened his mouth and closed it, clenching his fists. He felt rage and despair war within him.
“Perhaps we are not as ill suited as you supposed.” Lord Briston stroked his chin thoughtfully.
“It matters little what I think. She does not want me. By all means, marry her. You will no doubt give her the life she deserves, and I wish you every happiness.” Nigel turned from his cousin, unable to bear the sight of his face a moment longer, and strode into the darkness.
He will be Duke when I am gone. And tiresome as he is, Lord Briston will be a good husband.The thought of Olivia with his cousin sent a dagger through his heart.
He waved his coachman away as he approached. “I shall walk. I have a need for the fresh air.”
“Very good, Your Grace.” The driver nodded. “Shall I return to the house?”
Nigel nodded. “Yes. Thank you.”
He watched as the carriage trundled off. The night air was cool against his skin. The light of the moon shone down, illuminatinghis path.In another life, this would be the kind of night for romance.
A wife of convenience, how could I have been such a fool?He kicked at the ground, sending a scattering of dirt into the air. Shoving his hand into his pockets, he began the long walk home.
Olivia’s face swam into his mind. He saw the hope snuffed from her eyes as he said he could not marry her. Saw the confusion on her face. He could still smell the calming scent of lavender, could still hear the determination and power of her words.
How could I have been so selfish?He shook himself. He wandered through the night, lost in his thoughts. He replayed the evening, the casual way he had acted with something as precious as the Rokesby’s affections had been to him.
“How could I have let that happen? God, why did I follow her?” He ran a hand through his hair. “It was as if I was possessed.”
“I could have ruined her. What kind of selfish, cowardly man am I? God, even to find a wife of convenience.” He growled in disgust at himself. “I should not have dreamt of such a scheme. I should just let the estate go to my cousin. He would not behave in such a cowardly fashion.”
I doubt he would behave in any fashion of particular note.The bitter thought swam through Nigel’s mind. He imagined Olivia marrying his cousin, growing old with the man. Their children.
He felt sick. His hands began to shake, and he paused, almost falling.I will not think of this.Yet he could not stop it. Try as he might, his mind showed him all the things he could never have.
The images plagued him the entire walk home. When he finally arrived at the house, he proceeded straight to his study.I will get drunk, very drunk, and forget this cursed night ever happened.
“I do not wish to be disturbed until the morning,” Nigel called to the staff at large.
“Yes, Your Grace,” His steward answered.
Nigel walked into the study and grabbed a decanter of whiskey from the side table. He poured himself a healthy measure, downed it in one swallow and then poured another.
The warmth of the whiskey spread through him. His legs trembled, and he felt a weakness spread through him. He did not have the energy to fight it, and he let himself slump onto the floor. He glanced at his hand, expecting to see it shaking, but it was still.That is something at least.
