Page 41 of The Duke's Stubborn Wallflower
“Well, as you can see, I am perfectly fine.” Olivia bit her lip. “Was that all?”
“Yes.”No.Nigel knew he should turn and leave, but he found he could not make his feet obey him. “I should leave.”
“By all means, please do.” Olivia gestured to the door though there was an odd look in her face as she did so. “I would not wish to keep you from the festivities.”
Silence seemed to stretch between them, solidifying until it seemed to replace the very air around them.Leave. Staying will only lead to heart break.
“Why do you think there is something wrong with you?” Nigel found himself asking, the words tumbling from his mouth before he could stop them.
“You know, eavesdropping is rather a deplorable habit.” Olivia frowned at him, but her voice was more sad than angry.
“I did not mean to.” Nigel moved towards her. “But you must know that there is nothing wrong with you.”
Olivia snorted. “Please, do not mock me. I do not think I could bear it.”
“Why do you think I am mocking you?” Nigel canted his head towards her.
“Do you not recall what you said about me?” Olivia’s face twisted in bitter anger. “Are you not the same man who said that I was too open hearted and wholly innocent? That even the mere idea of being with me was preposterous.
Nigel winced, the reminder of his own words stinging. “Those are not bad things. I did not mean them as a slight on your character.”
Olivia scoffed but said nothing.
“Truly, I think the fact that you are as open hearted as you are is a miraculous thing.” Nigel found himself taking another steptowards her and only just stopped himself. “With all your family has suffered, your brother and his isolation…
“So many people would have hardened themselves, cut off that soft part of them, and met the world around them with the same scorn they were shown.” Nigel shook his head in wonder. “Yet you did not. You greeted the world as though it were an old friend, a place full of possibility and laughter.”
“Much good it has done me,” Olivia said bitterly.
Nigel’s heart twisted. “You should not scorn your willingness to see the best in the world. It is a most wonderous gift. I wish only that I had even one tenth of that optimism. To see the world as you do. To bring such joy to everyone and everything around me.”
“These are pretty words, but forgive me if I find them hard to believe.” Olivia met his gaze. “You are only saying these things now because you pity me, sad little Olivia, too hysterical to even dance without needing to flee.”
“I do not pity you. I envy you.” Nigel saw the pain in Olivia’s eyes, pain he knew he had caused, and he felt something within him threaten to break.I must be strong.
“Please, stop this. I know the truth. You said that it would be a most terrible fate to marry me. That you would never, ever want it.” Olivia’s eyes filled with tears. “And it seems that everyone else is in agreement.”
“What do you mean?” Nigel asked.
“Clearly you were more right than you knew. I am not good enough for you or anyone else.” Olivia’s voice broke, and her words shattered something within Nigel.
“You are wrong.” Nigel ran a hand through his hair.
“Stop lying to me. Please. Just… just leave me alone.” Olivia made to turn away, but Nigel stopped her.
He grabbed her hand without thinking, pulling her to face him. “I wish I could.”
“What do you mean?” Olivia’s eyes widened, but she did not move away.
“All this time, I’ve known that I needed to stay away from you. That Ishouldstay away from you, keep my distance. And yet, no matter how hard I try, I cannot.” Nigel let out a frustrated growl. “Even now, I know I should leave, and yet…”
He let out a sigh, his eyes searching Olivia’s face. He saw the pain he had caused, the seeds he had planted hoping to keep her away. “When I said those things to you, I only had one thought —”
“To avoid marrying me, I know. You made that abundantly clear.” Olivia bit her lip, shaking her head in disgust.
“You do not understand. I did not mean —” Nigel began, but Olivia cut him off again.
“— to tell me exactly how you felt? To prove that I was completely and utterly unworthy of you? Of anyone for that matter?” Tears streamed down Olivia’s face.
