Page 44 of Every Bit As Perfect
God, we were so naughty when we were young.Not bad, not by any stretch, but so fucking naughty.
In that respect, Hunter was our fearless leader.He made Hawkley laugh and forced Max out of his introspective shell.He offered Noelle and me companionship when Hawk and Max escaped us to chase girls.
He made me feel tall, so tall, as if by his mere proximity he infused that effervescent quality that made him larger than life into me.
Where Hawkley protected, Hunter empowered.He was the offensive lineman to my running back.
He made me feel like I could fly.
And when he needed me…
God!I pushed the heels of my palms into my eyes as the familiar suffocating panic billowed in my chest like sails in the wind, forcing the air from my lungs, stealing my next breath.
Arresting my control.
If only…
Did two more terrible words exist?
I tried to breathe, to control the release of the pain, but it tore through my lungs, wrenching an agonized inhuman bark from my throat on its way out.
“Oh, God,” I gasped as relief and agony intertwined, free to mourn where there was no one to know how I failed, how I suffered.
No one to smell the rancid decay of my regret.
But, oh God, the agony of dropping the pretense.
“Hunter,” I rasped against the wind, my tears strangling my voice.I rolled my hands into fists, a sob clawing back my words.
Gulping down a breath, I tried again to call out to him.“Hunter,” And again my voice failed me.
If he could hear me from anywhere, it would be here.
Here where we stole away when the world became too much for him.When he needed rest.When he needed to yell and scream and release the cauldron of energy that forever boiled beneath his amiable surface.
Here where the wind would carry it all away.
“Hunter,” I sobbed freely, here where there was no one but him to hear me.
No one to burden.
No one who would choose to turn away, walk away, or move away from me in my weakness.
I inhaled harshly, expelling the words branded on my heart in one exhale, my choked voice deep and gritty.“Hunter, I miss you so much.”
My chest heaved.
I lifted my face to the wind.
Pulled in a deep breath, then another as the pressure and panic in my lungs mounted.Because as much as I needed to let out my grief, the power it had to consume me was frightening in its intensity.
I walked as close to the edge as I could safely muster while my body quaked like the leaves on the trees.I tipped back my head, inflated my chest, clenched my hands into fists, and roared his name into the ether.
“Hunter!”
I closed my eyes.That felt good.
The wind, colder up there, slapped the wet from my cheeks.
