Page 204 of The Circle of Exile
“You are just reacting, not acting,” Iram held his face in her hands. “And that’s ok. That’s defence. You can’t always be on the front foot, no?”
He stared, impassive.
“In battles, you hide too. You told me this, that sometimes taking a few steps back is setting a longer game.”
“That is true only if you have a strategy.”
“And you will have one.”
“I don’t know, Iram… I don’t see any future for me even if I am called back home tomorrow. I know I won’t be called back in the foreseeable future. Until Qureshi is the CM, there is no chance for a return. He will make sure I am kept away so that he can securely hold onto his chair.”
“You are working at HDP for now. Concentrate all your efforts there.”
“I am.”
“No. You are doing the bare minimum to keep yourself busy.”
“Samar doesn’t want any more. And I am not in charge.”
“But you are getting to go back to the grassroots, isn’t it? You are getting to live the life you were living at 25 again. Even if you are not in charge, you are getting to go and run membership drives, meet people again, listen to their problems, find solutions, bring some semblance of order to chaos in some form or the other. Even if it’s a candle and not the sun, it is light all the same.”
She felt the hairs on the back of his neck flutter over her hand.
“Go slow, but go with your everything, Atharva. Take your time. If you cannot see the way out, then keep going one step at a time.”
“You said a man lost in a jungle will only keep circling back. I feel like that’s all that life will boil down to eventually. Honestly, Iram — chances of me ever rising up to a leadership role again are slim to none.”
“You wanted to make a difference once. Do you still want to do that?”
He nodded.
“Then roles don’t matter. You matter.”
“You mean to tell me that you will be ok not being the CM’s wife?”
“I married a common politician whose chances of winning the election were half and half. He won because I voted for him.” She bent and kissed his nose.
His lips stretched — “And wrote his speeches.”
“That too.”
Atharva’s head rolled further down her lap until his eyes were looking at her with a wider, clearer gaze. He stared at her with a mix of adoration and regret.
“What?”
“I could not be so understanding with you.”
She gaped at him.
“That first morning, when you woke up with so many questions about your history… I walked out. When you were going through the loss of your parents, your identity… I could not be so patient with you. I could not understand you like you understand me.”
“That is because you hadn’t gone through something like that before to understand it. If I hadn’t experienced that horror, I wouldn’t be able to understand you either today.”
“But…”
“And, you were running a state, cleaning up the mess made before you and handling the worst remnants of my father’s conspiracy at the time.”
“You are running a household, taking care of our son and writing a book while working on the release of another.”
