Page 10 of The Circle of Exile
What did Faiz need?She thought. A way to sink his legs into his town. He didn’t have any businesses here. The one mineral mining business that his… their grandfather had pegged as the future, had been surrendered by their father in return for…resources. Those mining rights were currently being sold to China, as per Mehrunisa… Iram’s body shrivelled suddenly as bad thoughts, bad feelings, fears invaded her insides. Her mind shut down. All thoughts of burrowing her way out of this place died and all she saw was haze. She went into the kitchen and caught her corner, lowered herself on the small stool, breathing heavily. Her shawl dropped from her jaw and she braved a peek at the clock. 9:15 am. Her eyes squeezed shut. It wasn't going. Today she had thought it wouldn’t hit her. She squeezed her eyes tighter, willing it to pass.How can I barter my exit from here? What can Mehrunisa offer Faiz? What can I offer Faiz?Her stomach turned, panic rising, her delivery scar throbbing as if it had been cut just now. She popped her eyes open and explained to herself —It has passed.Water broke, you delivered, they didn’t live. It has passed.
“Jannat?” Rahim Chacha’s palm came in her field of vision. It held two dates dipped in chocolate. Iram stared at them, the stash Mehrunisa had made and hidden for her. Iram took one and bit into the fruit. The bitterness of the dark chocolate reminded her of that day in the kitchen again, but the sweetness of the date inside broke her fear. She was not in labour. She was not losing her children. She had already lost them. The worst had happened. Now she was here, gathering her present by confronting her past. A small slice of pistachio crunched between her teeth and the surprise startled her. Ammi’s pista phirni. Atharva’s pista ice cream in the winter of Dal. The best memories. Those felt hers. Iram smiled, chewing the surprise element of this treat today and needing more. She reached for the second date and placed it whole inside her mouth, crunching it, hoping for the pistachio. And it did not disappoint her. She beamed into her open palms.
The nutty,bittersweet texture of pista broke with chocolate and enriched her mouth. A hand patted her head and she glanced up. Rahim Chacha’s head nodded again —Ok?
She nodded back, feeling a smile bloom for the first time on her face that felt like Iram’s. His answering smile was immediate, and surprisingly excited.
“Jannat?”
“Yes?” She whirled to Mehrunisa.
“I am sorry about what happened there. He did not mean it in the wrong way. Trust me, I have not raised him to think like that about women…”
Iram nodded.
“I will talk to him again about it.”
“No…” she got to her feet. She covered the distance between them, swallowing the last of the chocolate, date and pistachio mix and sucking on her tongue to hold onto the taste. She checked the empty kitchen for any lingerers. Everybody seemed to have gone to eat breakfast now that the royals were done.
“Mehrunisa, you said he is a Harvard Business graduate?”
She nodded.
“And you said that he wants to establish his foothold in Nagar? Something that makes him indispensable to the people.”
“And to the military and ISI. There is talk of abolishing the titles and our right of property too… but you don’t worry about that. I will talk to him again and…”
“What if I help him with that?”
“Are you mad?”
“Can I meet him?”
“She has now gone crazy, Rahim Chacha…”
“On the contrary, I am thinking straight only now.”
I: SRINAGAR AND NAGAR
1. You are Elena’s son…
October, 2016
Srinagar, Jammu & Kashmir
“You are Elena’s son! Jump now, come on, Athar!”
“It looks deep, Grandma…”
“Oh to hell with deep. You know how to swim. Come on, darling — 1, 2, 3…”
Atharva splashed the water on his face and ran a hand down its hard contours. He straightened and stared at himself in the mirror, the cool basin water now frigid thanks to the incessant autumn rain outside. It was morning, the sun was beaming, and yet the clouds weren’t letting up.
He picked up the napkin and patted his face dry, the rough weave of the terrycloth chafing against his cracking skin. He didn’t have lip balm now. Or, he did have it on the dressing table of his bedroom but nobody to put it on him. He blinked at his own eyes, exhausted grey that did not have the right to look even tired. He cracked the kinks in his neck and rubbed his eyes clean, widening them to wake up enough to go through the day.
The patter of the basin water made his eyes whirl down and he quickly shut off the faucet. The basin had flooded again. He had to get it repaired but always forgot. Atharva reached into the pool of water and ruffled it to get it moving. And saw his own faint reflection there. Elena’s son. Standing in the cool exteriors of Yorkshire, torso bare, the biting stretch of swim trunks feeling tensed on his waist. A child on the edge of a stream. Lower Cartrake vivid in front of him.
It was there that he had learned to jump into water. He had not known how shallow the pool really was. And the lack of that knowledge had taught him courage, to face anything head-on, to jump into pools that he didn’t know the depths of. Jump and think later.
