Page 108 of The Circle of Exile
His hand closed around the knot, ready to tug it when she covered his hand with hers. Her fingers were hot, trembling.
“What is it, myani zuv?”
“It’s not how it used to be.”
He held her gaze. His hand contracted, then expanded, slipping her grip off his.
With his eyes still on hers, Atharva tugged at the knot and the towel pooled to the floor. A silent gasp left her lips. He stepped back, still holding her gaze, then slowly let his eyes trail down. Jaw, throat, clavicle, breasts, stomach. She was changed. Breasts swollen, stomach not turgid, skin no longer silky smooth. What a beautiful battleground it was, breathing slowly but steadily. For him. Breathing for him. Living for him. Here for him.
“Did I tell you I love battlegrounds, myani zuv?” He gripped the side of her neck and pulled her up for a second kiss. This one slow. Gentle. How had he only kissed her the second time when she had been here for weeks? Atharva grasped her closer. Her naked body met his clothed one and she whimpered in his mouth.
“Battlegrounds are destroyed,” she murmured over his lips.
“And they are where soldiers feel the most alive.”
Atharva dropped to his knees in front of her and pressed his face into her womb.
“I thought…” she trailed.
“What?” Atharva trailed his tongue out and lapped the damp skin under her navel. Her stomach dipped in a hiss as her hands bunched into the hair at the back of his head. “Thought what, myani zuv?” He nipped at the soft, creamy skin.
“I was scared we wouldn’t… you may not… that…”
His head dropped back, eyes snaring hers — “You thought I didn’t want you anymore?”
“I didn’t know how long it would take for you to again look at me like you used to.”
“I can see it from here, but are you looking at me like you used to?”
Her eyes began to tear up.
“Iram?”
“More,” she managed, her hands coming to frame his face, fingers caressing his scar. “I am looking at the father of my children today.”
His chest swelled. His mind whirred. How had he let her feel so disconnected from him? So unwanted?
“I’m sorry…” he confessed. “I did not see left or right in my own bid to come out of this. How many sorries will be enough? How many apologies will begin to make this bearable again to me…”
“Atharva,” she tightened her hands over his skin. “We went over this. No,” she shook her head.
“You are right,” he turned his head and kissed her palm. “We went over this, and this is the last time we circle it.”
His mouth left her palm and landed on the welts lining her lower belly. Puckered and white, they ran in stripes down the sides and into her thighs, burning red on the edges. Where he kissed, they reddened more. He nipped one, and the space filled with blood underneath, spreading a ruddy dawn across her stomach with her gasp as its birdsong.
“Once I chased sunrise on your chest,” he nipped the top of her navel, seeing it warm up too. “Now the sun is rising over all of you, myani zuv. You are breathtaking,” he murmured into her damp skin.
“I am not, even if you like it.”
Atharva rose to his feet and swooped her up in his arms.
“No! Arth is there,” she squealed.
“He is five months old and sleeping in a cot with his eyes nowhere close to where I am taking you.”
Atharva carried her to their bed and lay her down on his side. He needed his side of the bed to again smell like her. He needed their entire bed to smell like them again. No demarcation where one ended and the other began.
“But what if he wakes up? The nosies…” she began to pull up but he pushed her down with one hand on her chest. Her wet hair splayed on his pillow and looked like the best part of his dreams. Her lips were round, her eyes darkening. He knew her signs.
