Page 113 of The Circle of Exile
He bit the shell of her ear, making her laugh. But she held steady. They both knew how calm their son needed his milk time to be.
“He is growing so fast,” she murmured, tracing patterns on his little cheek, just the way he had recently begun to enjoy. Atharva could see how his son was adapting into new habits, new routines, new pleasures with his mother. At the onset, it had made him a little jealous. Now, he was nothing short of grateful, thrilled even, about it.
“Dr. Shankar suggested we slowly introduce him to semi-solids, Atharva.”
“What do you think about hosting his Annaparashan sanskar first and then starting him on semi-solids?” He asked as the idea struck him. “Technically, it’s not a grand affair, but we didn’t even give him his Naamkaran sanskar.”
His wife’s cheek swelled with a smile. “Let’s call everybody. All our friends and family. Will Pops and Grandma also come?”
“That’s a great idea. I spoke to them after your delivery and they wanted to come. But I asked them to give us time to adjust. They don’t know about anything else. I have been barring them from talking to you, citing that you are not ready to talk yet.”
She nodded — “Let’s do it. All our family. Everybody. Will it be here or in Jammu?”
“Here. I want to do it here in our house.”
“But that leaves us with just two weeks to prepare before we move to Jammu…”
“We will manage, Iram.”
“What will the ceremony be like?”
“Just a pooja and feeding him some grains or something like kheer. I am not sure, let me ask.”
Iram sighed. “Dr. Shankar asked to replace his primary meals with semi-solids slowly.”
“I was there. You did not like it,” he pulled her back on his chest to recline them, enjoying some of the last days of this skin-to-skin intimacy. Yathaarth was growing, and growing up fast. Soon he would start semi-solids and then solids. And then this little bubble wouldn’t exist again. Or not as frequently as it did now.
“I just started feeding him. It’s like I didn’t even get to hold him enough.”
“Myani zuv, you know you won’t immediately stop feeding, right? Milk will still be a supplement. Dr. Shankar and Dr. Baig both were in favour of breastfeeding for the next year if you wish to.”
“But I won’t be his only source of sustenance,” her face broke into a bittersweet smile. “I love that he is growing; his milestones are on time. But it’s like I am missing things already, even before they are gone.”
Atharva chuckled — “How do you put all that I feel into words?”
Her head fell back on his shoulder, brown eyes so tender and satisfied as they stared into his.
“Do you ever think about how we both experience so many things the same way?”
“Like our thoughts?”
“And feelings. Like we are experiencing the same things and have similar feelings? Learning the same lessons in life but in different ways? These last few weeks have made me think about it. I read something about twin flames in a blog on modern spiritualism. It stated that sometimes, one soul that is too heavy to finish its karmic learnings and healing, splits into two. The masculine part takes its own journey, the feminine part goes on its own path. But the two always keep intertwining, reflecting each other’s lessons, helping each other reach a higher state of being. And then when they reach there, or are close to reaching there, they meet and merge into one.”
Atharva traced the curve of her cheek, using the tips of his nails to caress the creamy skin.
“My Dadi used to say this about Shiv and Shakti. They are not two different entities but two parts of one whole soul.”
“Look how we have always crossed at moments of our lives when we both had to learn, make a choice and leap from one phase of our lives to another,” she recounted, eerily perfect in connecting the dots back. “It’s like, if one hadn’t done something, the other’s choice might have been different. If I hadn’t taken your Bhagwad Gita, you wouldn’t have grown into this fearless man who did not put his security in an object but in its teachings. If you hadn’t saved me and left me at the army shelter, and left with your advise of not going back home, maybe I would have been picked up by the men sent by Faiz’s father. If I hadn’t stayed here to work in KDP, none of this would have happened. All the sorrow, all the losses we bore, as well as the blessings we received,” Iram glanced down at their son, his eyes now closed as he suckled slowly, done for the night. “None of this would exist, and neither would our realisations.”
“And what are they, myani zuv?” He cleared his throat, his voice feeling hoarse.
“That everything will pass, good and bad. And when it all passes, we will remain. We are not here for the joys or the sorrows. We are here to be. Just be. You and me.”
Atharva pressed his mouth to her eye, holding her in the circle of his arms again, holding his family together. Beyond joys and sorrows, they would exist. Whatever happened now, in this one fact he believed.
22. The time will come when…
The time will come
