Page 88 of Hide and Sneak
“I haven’t had much appetite today.”
I know how she feels. “Me either. I missed you.” We sit on my new couch and I get right to it. “I want to tell you what happened that night with the car.”
She nods. “I assumed there was more to it.”
“Not anything that excuses me, but I want you to know why I used to get in so much trouble.”
She kicks off her shoes and tucks her feet beneath her. “I’m listening.”
It’s not an easy thing to talk about. I’ve always been ashamed even though I know I shouldn’t be. “I stole the car, but not for the fun or the thrill. Mom and I needed it to sleep in.”
She blinks, her lips parting, but she doesn’t interrupt.
“We were homeless off and on since I was fourteen. You know my dad died before I was born. Mom held things together as long as she could but she lost her job for missing work when she injured her back. We got evicted. She could only manage part time work with her injury, but she wouldn’t let me drop out because she didn’t want it to screw up my future. So I worked part time jobs when I could get them after school while she worked half days as a receptionist and did some housekeeping on the side.”
Lila moves closer to me, slipping her hand into mine as she tries to digest what I’m telling her.
“We made it work, sometimes staying in our car, sometimes in a hotel or someone’s house temporarily. Until that day. Mom got into a car accident while I was at school. She wasn’t hurt, but the car was totaled. We only had enough money to stay one night in a hotel and we were going to be on the street. So I stole the car from a parking lot downtown. I’d noticed it had been there for weeks and thought it might not be missed, at least not quickly. It was stupid, but all I could think about was where we were going to sleep.”
“Jesus, Sutton, I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t feel sorry for me. Things worked out in the end, but I’m sorry that Amos got dragged into it. He was a good friend back then. He kept my secret. He helped us with food sometimes. I did a lot of shit I’m not proud of but it was for survival. That night, Mom was working, cleaning a house for this long haul trucker. Amos asked if I wanted to go to a party and I picked him up. He knew I stole the car, but he saw it as exciting, I guess. The same way he thought it was cool when I shoplifted.”
She lets out a huge sigh. “Because he could afford to take the risk. He had a house to come home to and a parent that could save him.”
“Anyway, when we got pulled over, he didn’t hesitate. He told me to switch seats, that his mom would bail him out and it’d be fine.”
“But he got locked up for three months,” Lila finishes.
Guilt settles over me again and I can’t look at her. “I felt awful about it. I really did. But I knew he’d be out and back home like nothing ever happened. With no adult record. If I did time, I’d never be able to pull me or Mom out of our situation. I didn’t think it’d ruin his life the way it would mine.”
Lila puts her hand on my chin, turning my head to make me face her. “It didn’t ruin his life. He came out with an expunged record and every opportunity that he always had. He evengraduated on time. Taking the blame might be the only thing I’ve ever respected him for doing.”
“He saved me in that moment,” I agree. “Which is why I couldn’t say no when he wanted to move in with me as soon as he turned eighteen. I owed him.”
“Yes, but you don’t owe him forever. It’s enough now. He has to decide who he’s going to be, the same way you did.”
I pull her into my lap. She lays her head on my shoulder and asks, “What happened after the cops took Amos and the car?”
“They let me go because he swore he took it and I didn’t know it was stolen. I walked back to the house where Mom was cleaning and told her everything. The guy who lived there overheard us. He offered us a place to stay. He and Mom got together in the first week of us living there. He paid for her back surgery and she was a lot better. As soon as I graduated, I got a job as a flagger on the road crew. A month later, I got my own apartment and saved every extra cent I could to buy my own place.”
“And now you have,” she says. “And I hope your mom is as proud of you as I am.”
“How did I end up with someone so understanding and sweet?” I murmur, kissing her forehead.
“By kissing me stupid in a bar then fucking me into a thoughtless puddle.”
“Ah, that’s right. Now I remember.”
She plays with my hand in her lap. “If there’s anything else you’ve been keeping from me, now’s the time.”
With a deep breath, I nod. “Okay, there’s one more thing.”
Sitting up, she looks me in the eye.
“You know when Dusty dropped the cup in the toilet? He didn’t. The lid was closed. None of them were ever in the toilet.”
The worry drops off her face and she slaps my chest. “You asshole!”
