Page 41 of Overachiever
There’s no point in arguing with her. That set of her chin, the tone of her voice. She won’t be swayed, at least not tonight, and pushing her will get me nowhere. She’s freaking out and getting anxious because of how she feels. It’s part of who she is, and I can give her some time. Once our friends leave, and we’re back in our routine, she’ll feel comfortable again, then we can talk about us.
For now, I have to respect what she wants, no matter how badly I hate the idea. “Okay, if that’s what you want.”
Her sigh disagrees with her words, “It is.”
I cup her face in my hands and steal one last kiss. “You should know, Rem, I could love the hell out of you. If you decide I’m worth the risk.”
Silence presses in around us as I get up, grab my clothes, and take my turn to shower.
Disappointment weighs me down while I let the water pour over me, but I’m not ready to give up. If she didn’t feel the same way, it’d be different, I’d have to accept it, but that’s not the issue. She’s afraid.
Why is she so sure that a relationship would ruin her plans? Has she had a guy screw things up for her before? As determined and ambitious as she is, for some reason she doesn’t trust herself not to lose her way. There must be a reason.
The room is dim, lit only by the streetlight sneaking through the crack between curtains. Just enough for me to discern her outline in her bed. She lies with her back toward my bed, facing the wall. If she’s awake, she doesn’t show it.
It takes a huge effort not to crawl in next to her. Once I’m in my bed with the blanket pulled to my waist, the heaviness of the situation pours over me. She’s right there, and I can’t touch her. It’s a unique sort of torture, missing someone who’s only a few feet away.
The ceiling is my friend for the next couple of hours. Just as I’m finally starting to fade into sleep, I hear her. Barely perceptible in the quiet room, a short intake of breath, a sniff. She doesn’t want me to know she’s crying, but there’s no way I can lie here and listen to her hurt.
“Owen,” she protests when I slip under the covers with her.
I wrap my arms around her. “Shh. Let me hold you. Just tonight.” With a watery sigh, she rolls over and lays her head on my chest.
Silence settles in for a few minutes, and I think maybe she’s dozed off until she says, “I’m so sorry. I know I hurt you. I didn’t mean to.”
Her hair is soft under my hand as I stroke the back of her head. “It’ll be okay, Rem.”
I hope the words are more convincing to her than they are to me, because lying there I know one thing I didn’t want to admit until now.
I’m in love.
Chapter Fourteen
Remee
The pain in his voice shreds me. How did I let this happen? There’s no sleep coming for me as I lie in his arms, knowing it’s the last time I will. I was stupid to think we could take a step back and return to friendship when we’re sharing a room. It’s too hard. Being around him is painful, and I know it’s harder for him. He had hopes we could be together.
We need some space to put things in perspective again or even once we’re back home, it’ll be weird. The decision I have to make is difficult and easy at the same time. Difficult because I’m about to throw away all I’ve worked for this summer and sacrifice a resume building opportunity. Easy because it’s the best thing for Owen. We can’t go on this way. It only took one night to show me that. The thought of night after night of this is unfathomable. I can’t do it to him or to myself.
The loss of the grant isn’t as damaging to me as it would be to him. He needs that tuition and money. There’s no distant father in the picture to pay his way. I can get by.
The little sleep I get is thin and fretful. About two hours before our alarm goes off, I give up, and get out of bed. I need to pack.
Owen, always the heavy sleeper, doesn’t budge while I quietly work around him. It kills me to leave him here alone. Yesterday, Graham was saying he wished he’d drove separately, that he could’ve stayed, since his job is online and can be done anywhere. Maybe if I asked him, he’d want to take my place.
Though it’s early, Serena answers my text informing her of my intention with a call, and I slip out into the parking lot, shielding my eyes from the rising sun.
“Remee, you’re just going to leave?” she asks.
“I can’t stay. It’s too hard for both of us. He wants to be together, and I can’t. I want to go home. Is there room for me to ride back with you guys?”
“Of course there’s room, but…what about your grant and everything?”
It’s a fair question. She knows me and how important this was to me. “I don’t care.” My voice cracks on my reply.
“Okay. It’ll be okay.”
“Graham said something about how he’d like to stay. Will you talk to him and see if he’d really want to? He could room with Owen and ride back with him in a few weeks.”
