Page 23 of Overachiever
There’s so much wrong with that question I don’t even know where to start. “Rem, I didn’t come down here planning to screw everything in sight. I’m having a great time with you, and I’m happy to be exclusive.” For far longer than the summer, but we’ll get to that. “Besides, you’re right. Those Florida STD’s are the worst. Make your genitals look like alligator skin.”
A woman walking past our table whips her head around in horror, and Remee smothers a laugh. “Okay, good.”
“Plus, you’re really sexy, and I love your vagina.”
“Also good to know. It’s pretty fond of you too.” She checks her phone when it buzzes. “Oh wow, they’re actually going to drive down here. Have you heard from Marty or Graham?”
“No, they’re coming here?”
“With Serena and Zara. Kelly can’t make it.”
“When?”
“Next week. Day after your birthday.” She sets the phone aside. “Speaking of your birthday, I have no idea what to get you. Help me out.”
“Babe, this is easy. Three little words. Sloppy blow job.”
We’re both in such a good mood, and when I drop her off a few houses down from the one I’m working on, she leans over and kisses me before joining the painting crew waiting on the porch.
A few of the guys from my crew are gathered around the side of the house we’re roofing, laughing their asses off. “Hey, did you lose something?” Colin asks when I approach them. He nods to the ground where a dildo lies in the grass.
Not just a dildo. This sucker is over a foot long.
“Probably fell out of Weston’s ass,” I say, dodging him when he tries to shove me.
“It’s seen better days, that’s for sure,” Weston says, kicking it. It’s filthy and streaked with grime.
Meyer and Trevor are headed our way, and an idea pops into my head. I grab a bucket sitting nearby, flip it over, and cover the giant dong. “What are you doing?” Colin asks.
“Just play along.” Kneeling beside the bucket, I put both hands on the top. When they approach, I announce. “We aren’t fast enough and just because it isn’t poisonous doesn’t mean it won’t bite.”
“Fast enough for what?” Trevor asks.
“There’s a snake under the bucket. Just a little rat snake but nobody wants to get it out of here.”
“Fucking pussies.” It’s everything I can do not to smile. I knew he wouldn’t be able to resist. “Move, I’ll get him.”
“Really? Okay, seriously though, he’s fast as hell. Get ready. I’ll count to three, then move the bucket.” If he weren’t so fired up to show us boys how a man gets rid of a snake, this wouldn’t be so easy, and he might’ve noticed Weston slipping his phone out to record.
Instead, he squats beside the bucket like a catcher behind the mound. His hands hover, waiting to react while I count. “One…two…three…get it!” I jerk the bucket away. He grabs the dildo, stands, and holds it up like he just freed King Arthur’s sword.
You can see the exact moment he realizes what’s in his hand. The look of disgust and horror on his face is even better than the way he hoisted it in the air like a trophy. It’s being held at the bottom, and before his brain can communicate with his hand to drop it, it flops over to one side.
“Don’t worry, man. Happens to the best of us,” Colin says.
My chest is about to burst from trying not to laugh, but that comment and the straight faced, serious way he says it does me in. It sets everyone else off too, and Trevor finally throws the dildo. The sight of it bobbing through the air like a javelin doesn’t help.
“Sick!” Trevor rubs his hand on his pants. “You trying to give me herpes? Where did that come from?”
Graham once told me that my mouth was definitely going to be responsible for my death someday, but I swear there are times it has a mind of its own. Trying to catch my breath between laughing, I can’t manage to get the words out. “Your mm…your mah…”
Colin grabs my arm. “Okay, time to get back.” He practically shoves me up the ladder. The sound of laughter still reaches us when we get to the roof. “The prank you can get away with, but telling the dude his mom lost her dildo in the yard might’ve gotten your ass kicked,” Colin says, as we perch on the edge of the roof, catching our breath.
“I couldn’t help myself. Did you see his face?”
Colin’s phone buzzes, and he grins at me. “What’s your number?”
A second later, the video appears on my phone, and we crack up again watching it. “Get your asses to work!” Meyer calls up to us, but amusement still waves in his voice.
