Page 53 of Unsupervised
“Just get the fuck out, now!”
Without another word or backward glance, he’s gone. I manage to hold back the tears until I hear the front door shut behind him.
His addictive smell is all over me and my sheets, and it just makes things worse. I can’t take it. I jerk the sheets and pillowcases off and stalk down the hall to the washer, shoving them in. Then I grab some clothes and head for the shower.
The hot water can’t burn away all the emotions that are attacking me. It was so amazing, having him like that, better than every fantasy I’ve had of him since we met. The way he looked at me like I was the best thing he’d ever seen, the noises he made as he licked me, the wicked grin after I came. So perfect.
It’s not like I had some fairytale idea that the first time I slept with him would be all roses and rainbows. I expected it to be awkward. I expected it to hurt. I didn’t expect him to hurt me like that.
Is it really so horrible to be a virgin? Is inexperience that much of a taboo? And how the hell am I supposed to overcome that if that’s the reaction I’m going to get? I guess I shouldn’t have told him.
Once I’ve scrubbed off every trace of his scent and put fresh sheets on my mattress, I climb back in bed with my laptop. I need to distract myself or I’m not going to stop crying, and I don’t want the girls to know anything when they get home…which won’t be long.
My mind won’t cooperate. Every good moment I’ve had with Layton plays in my head. His embarrassed expression when he explained why he wanted to learn the piano. How caring he is with his grandmother. The sweet way he always treated me. He always encouraged me, made me feel like I was capable of whatever I wanted to do. He made me feel like a real person, not the walking doll only fit for a husband that my parents saw me as. I thought he cared about me.
The thought of never seeing him again is equally as terrible as having to see him again. He’s become such a large part of my life so quickly, and even though I’m hurt and pissed, I already miss him. But I couldn’t handle the humiliation of being around him now.
Surely, he won’t show up for any more piano lessons. Adulting Club is over for me now.
My time with him is over.
A ping alerting me that I have an email draws my attention, and I wipe at my leaking eyes again. Damn it. I need to stop thinking about him.
If I wanted a distraction, here it is. I failed another midterm. It’s a warning that without completing extra credit and scoring at least a B on the final, I have no chance of passing. Shoving the computer away, I pull my covers over my head and try to block out the world.
I don’t know how much time passes before I hear the girls talking and laughing. I must’ve cried myself to sleep. I haven’t done that since I was a kid.
I’ve left my door open a crack, and before I can get up to close it, Serena bounds in. “Hey, do you want to—” The sight of my puffy face stops her mid-sentence. “What did that asshole do?”
The indignation in her voice and the way she instantly assumes it was Layton makes me laugh, even though I still feel like bawling. She knew he was coming over, hell, all of the girls knew my plan to lose my virginity today.
Serena’s exclamation has Zara and Remee rushing in as well to see what’s going on. “Are you okay?” Zara asks.
God, I feel ridiculous. Like a stupid little girl who got her heart broken by her crush on a teacher. “I’m fine,” I lie, leaning against the headboard.
“No, you’re not.” Serena sits next to me. “What happened? If he was rough or nasty about it, I swear I’ll tear his nuts off.”
“He wasn’t.” My chest rises and falls on a watery sigh. “We didn’t do anything. We were just about to. When I told him it was my first time, he…changed his mind.” Yeah, changed his mind sounds much better than looked repulsed and ran away.
“What? Did he say why?” Remee asks, sitting on my other side.
“He rattled off about it being wrong and that he couldn’t. He barely had time to say anything. He was dressed and out the door.”
“He freaked out,” Serena says. “God, why are guys so paranoid about this?”
“Maybe he didn’t want to be the one to, you know, hurt you,” Remee suggests. It’s a kind thought, but she didn’t see what I did, and I’m way too ashamed to tell her the truth.
“It doesn’t help that there’s this belief that breaking a hymen is some huge deal. It’s not tearing through some barrier like you’re poking a straw into a Capri Sun. That’s not even how it works. People are ridiculous.” Despite the situation, my chest shakes with laughter at Serena’s words.
“I’ll never look at a Capri Sun the same again, thanks.” My phone buzzes and Layton’s smiling face pops up. I reach over, turn it off, and set it on the nightstand.
“Was that him?” Zara asks.
Nodding, I pull my knees up and lay my head on them. “I’m fucking everything up. Maybe my parents were right when they said I couldn’t make it on my own. They could see how hopeless I was.” Yeah, self-pity isn’t pretty, but there it is.
“Bullshit,” Serena snaps.
“You don’t understand! I’m failing my classes. I hate it because it feels like such a waste of time and money when I can’t even pick a degree! I don’t know what I want to do or who I want to be. I’m so behind on everything. Late to start school, late to be out on my own. Why did I think I could be an adult? I’m just going to be a worthless, college dropout virgin who can’t cook!”
