Page 50 of Alex
“Youlove him?” Sidney looks at me curiously.
“Yes,damn it.”
“Helove you?”
“Yes.”
“Thengive him another chance.”
Ifall into a routine over the next two weeks. Eat breakfast with Sidney andGary, work out and spar at the new gym, go out to lunch, catch a movie or justwalk around the local mall until I’m ready to go back to the safe house. Idon’t usually have a problem spending time by myself, but by the second week,loneliness sets in. I miss Ian. I’ve haven’t heard a word. Not one text or callsince I left.
Apparently,he’s made his decision. My chest aches when I think about going home. I guess Idon’t really have a home since I need to move out. The thought sends a pangthrough me. I’ve missed the hell out of him. Missed his smirky smile, talkingand teasing with him, watching T.V. curled up on the sofa, even watching himplay those interminable video games.
Evcalled me yesterday and assured me he’s okay. He’s going to work and living hislife, probably relieved to put our relationship behind him. I make arrangementsto stay a few days at Parker’s when I get home, at least until after thetournament. I need to focus on the fight, get the tournament over with before Iworry about everything else. Right now, I’m just trying to block it out. Tryingnot to picture him fucking his way through Indy.
Ian
Thehouse is too damn quiet when I get back from delivering Kyle to his school. Ican’t remember the last time I was home alone. Looks like this will be the wayit is for the next two weeks. Probably longer. I can’t imagine Alex will stillwant to stay when I tell him I can’t be with him. Of course I can’t. I don’tknow why I thought I could in the first place.
I’mterrible at relationships, and I’m not gay, or bi, or whatever he thinks I am.I was just curious and got a little carried away, that’s all. I hate thethought of losing him altogether, so I really hope we can go back to justhanging out, even if he doesn’t want to live here.
Myfinger hesitates over his name on my phone screen. I want to call him andapologize. Hell, I just want to hear his voice if I’m being honest, but he’llwant an answer, an explanation, and I’m not ready to tell him just yet. Afterall we’ve been through together, it seems wrong to break up over the phone.Break up. Christ. I’ve never had to break up with anyone. How did I get myselfinto this?
Theday drags by. I can’t seem to get interested in anything, even my video games.The weather has warmed up, so I wander out to the porch and flop into a lawnchair. Being out in the sunshine, watching people come and go at least quellssome of the loneliness. What the hell is wrong with me? I’ve lived alone mywhole life, now I’m acting like some depressed pussy after one afternoon.
Aloud screech makes me jump and Arthur’s dry chuckle quickly follows. “Guess Ineed to oil that screen door.” He takes a seat in a chair beside me. “You beenout here for a bit. Somethin’ on yer mind?”
“Justbored. How have you been, Art?” The man lives in the other half of my house,but I haven’t seen him in weeks.
Liverspotted hands pull his jacket tighter, blocking out the breeze. “Can’tcomplain.” I’m met with his knowing gaze when he adds, “Saw Alex leavin’ with asuitcase this mornin’. Off on another vacation?”
“Travelingfor work.” And to get away from me.
“Gota bit used to havin’ him around ain’t ya?”
Theexpression on his face tells me he knows. Well, the walls aren’t all thatthick. God knows what he’s heard. Shrugging, I look everywhere but at him. “Idon’t mind the company.”
“Ayuh,he’s a good kid. Never met no gay kid before him, not that I know of anyway. Isaw a couple guys walking hand in hand in the mall once, pants so tight youcould see their religion, and wearing more makeup than a French whore. But Iguess that ain’t always how it is. The older I get, the less I understandsometimes.”
Laughing,I shake my head. “I’ve known quite a few gay guys. They’re as diverse as anyother group. Not all of them wear makeup or like to dress feminine. And I’veknown straight guys who do, so…” I shrug.
Afamiliar car pulls up in front of the house, and I smile for the first timethat day as Ms. Den gets out from behind the wheel. “There’s my date,” Arthur says,dropping me a wink and getting to his feet. He gives me a searching look.“Maybe ya should give Alex a call, ya know, jus’ to check on ‘im.”
I’mreally not fooling anyone today. Ms. Den waves at me, and Arthur slides an armaround her waist, leading her down the front steps. “Where ya wanna eat,beautiful?” I can’t hear Ms. Den’s reply, but I hear Arthur’s response. “Sushi?Raw fish? Honey, where I come from, we call that bait.”
Asthe sun sets, I retreat back inside and fall into bed. Tomorrow will be easier.I just haven’t had a day alone in a long time. I’ll get back to normal.
Myalarm blares at 7 am and I instantly reach for my phone to see if Alex hascalled or texted. Nothing. Why would he after the shit I said? Whatever. It’stime to get back to normal, to remember who I was before I got involved withAlex.
Myworkday inches by and I manage to get a few things accomplished betweenchecking my phone and wondering what Alex is doing. The thought of going backto my empty house is just too damn depressing, but I’m not really in the moodto hang out with Cam or Teddy. For a brief second I consider heading to Hype topick up a chick or calling Linda for a little after hours fun, but for somereason the idea isn’t appealing.
Mycar seems to have a mind of its own and before I know it, I’m parked in the lotof the animal shelter. I haven’t been here in weeks. Nat looks up from behindher desk when I enter and a grin spreads across her face. “Ian, thought youforgot about us.”
“I’vebeen out of town for a while. How have you been?”
“Good.”She accompanies me back into the kennel. “Molly and all her pups found homes.”
“That’sfantastic.”
