Page 31 of Alex
Shit,so much has happened in such a short time. It’s been a rough month to say theleast and I’m sure I’m just confused. I’ll get past it. “Smells great. I’mstarving.” I grab two plates out of the cabinet and Alex pours us each a glassof milk. It takes me about five minutes to clean my plate and Alex laughs.
“Youact like I was going to take it away from you.”
“Neverknow. You’re a sneaky bastard.” He puts our dishes in the dishwasher and wereturn to the living room where a box sits on the couch.
“Battleship?”I ask, picking up the game and raising my eyebrow at him.
“Iborrowed it from S.B. Thought we could play if you’re bored. I’ve had about allthe television I can take.”
“Youpicked the wrong game. I was the champion of Battleship as a kid.”
Witha grin, he turns to face me so I can’t see where he places his ships. I don’tthink I’ve played this game since I was twelve, but I still remember mystrategy, and a smile creeps onto my face as I place my ships.
Wetake turns calling out coordinates and I can’t seem to hit his ships for shit.His wide smile when he sinks my last ship kind of makes me want to choke him,but it’s the glint in his eye that tells me he’s up to something. “How the helldid you sink all mine and I only got one of yours?”
“I’mjust that good.” Before he can react, I grab the board and turn it around. Allhis ships but one are on the grid, but they are stacked one on the other,making them impossible to hit.
“Youcheating son of a bitch!” He bursts into laughter, and I shove him, grabbingfor the board. It’s kind of a pathetic attempt since I don’t have my strengthback, and he easily evades me, tossing the game on the coffee table before Ican get a hand on it.
Laughing,I shove him again and pin his shoulders to the back of the couch. The mood inthe room shifts, the air becoming warmer and thicker as our gazes lock. Hislips part, and I can read the dare in those golden eyes. Without thinking aboutit, or taking the time to second guess why I’m doing it, I take his lips withmine.
Thisis no quick joking kiss like New Year’s Eve. It’s not sweet and soft, but abattle of tongues, lips, and teeth. He responds with just as much passion, butdoesn’t try to take things any farther. It seems like hours pass before webreak apart, panting and sweaty. I sit up and he follows me, putting an armaround my waist before I move away from him.
Shit.What do I do now? What the hell am I supposed to say? I kissed him. “I-I’msorry. I don’t know why I did that,” I murmur.
Hisarm tightens around me and he looks me in the eye. “Yes, you do, and I’ll behere when you’re ready to come to terms with it.”
“I’mnot gay.”
“Wouldit be so terrible if you were?”
“No…there’snothing wrong with being gay.” I scrub my face with my hands. “I just…it’s notwho I am.”
“Youthink being attracted to men changes who you are?”
“I’mnot attracted to men!” I shout, my frustration building. “Just you.” Damn it. Ididn’t mean to say that.
Asmall grin flashes across his face before he reigns it in. “Good, let’s keep itthat way.”
Strangely,I feel like laughing and crying at the same time. He sees the turmoil in myexpression and wraps his arms around my back, pulling me into a hug. “It’sokay. You’ve been through too much lately, Ian. There is nothing wrong with howyou feel or what you want, but added to your illness, it’s too overwhelming.Your timing sucks.”
Ilaugh, and he continues. “Don’t worry so much. Rest and get your strength back,maybe visit with the nerd herd.”
“I’mgoing to tell them you call them that.”
“Don’t.I’ve never been slapped with a pocket protector.”
“Hey,Teddy has a light saber.”
“Ofcourse he does.”
Itake Alex’s advice and invite Cam and Teddy over the next night. The hours wespend eating pizza and playing video games makes me feel almost normal again.Still, I can’t get Alex out of my head. Or more specifically, why I suddenlysee him so differently. I’ve never noticed him before, or any man, but I can’tdeny the urge to touch him when he’s near me. Not just sexually, but the wayyou would a girlfriend or a lover.
Ahundred times we’ve sat side by side on the couch to watch T.V. and I never hadthe urge to put my arm around him or rest my hand on his leg. So why now?Because he helped me through such a horrible time? Is it gratitude making mefeel this way? I can’t sort it out by myself. Thank fuck Everly’s back. I needsomeone’s advice, and I know I can trust her to keep her mouth shut.
Shemeets me for lunch at my house while Alex is at the gym. “Knock knock!” shecalls, walking through my front door.
“I’min the kitchen!”
